


Concessions for Love

by gatekat



Category: SWAT Kats: The Radical Squadron
Genre: Anthropomorphic, BDSM, Cathedral (original 'verse), F/M, Fraternization, Furry, Kinky, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2000-02-26
Updated: 2000-03-28
Packaged: 2018-08-24 07:51:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 23,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8364034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gatekat/pseuds/gatekat
Summary: Dead Story.Seven months after the series Jake and Chance have a crisis of romance of sorts, but it can't stay that simple, of course. There are others who want Jake's attention while Chance is dealing with his issues.





	1. Heart and Soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patrik writes a letter to try to get a point across before it's too late.

Dear Jake,

Mom says write when you don't have anybody to talk to, and I've talk Pakitra's ear off about this -- I don't know what else to do. Maybe I'll show you this, love. Maybe you'll see something you won't hear.

When are you going to open you eyes, Jake?

I may be young, but even I can see your partner doesn't love you, not like you want him to, not like I do. Pakitra sees it too, so you can't tell me it's wishful thinking.

You can't.

One of these days you're going to slip and say something to him, then you'll find out what he actually thinks of you as. Friend, partner, comrade, gunner, yes ... but not as a lover. I don't think he CAN. You know, there are toms out there that couldn't see a queer if one sucked him.

I pray you remember me when that happens. That I'll be whatever you need to accept my comfort, and you make it though. Regardless of what you think of me -- I know that 'spoiled brat' and 'presumptuous kitten' are high on that list -- I did learn some things about being an adult. I don't think my moms would have let me grow up any other way. They did teach me to see the world for what it was, like it or not, and friendship must come before lasting love.

Maybe that's the problem? You heard the same thing, that your friendship with Chance is the foundation for something more. As much as I want you, I don't want you to go through what finding out you're wrong about him is going to do to you.

Pakitra thinks you'll take it hard when you figure it out. That you've been pining for him for years, too many years for your own good. I haven't known you as long, or him much at all, but I see how she's right. If you don't trust me, trust her. She's been your friend longer than Chance.

Isn't his ignorance of your attempts to court him enough of a clue? Why must you hurt yourself like this? He's a good friend to you. That won't go away. I see some small bit of desire when you look at me, why must you deny it? Don't you see you can have it all?

I guess presumptuous might not be so far off, giving a lecture about relationships to someone twice my age.

Remember Patrik when it finally sinks in Chance doesn't love you. I'll give you anything I can to soothe that wound.

Patrik Celest


	2. Broken Hope, New Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After doing something rash, Jake comes to an understanding of sorts in Pakitra's arms.  
> Set 4 months after ch 1.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LEW: Light Energy Weapon -- a laser rifle.

I ... I'm sorry, Chance. I didn't mean ... I didn't mean to hurt you.

I have to get out of here, damn I hope I can make the grin believable. "I godda show this to Pakitra. She'll be *so* jealous."

Please let me get to my bike before he tries to stop me. Almost ... safe.

"Hey, Jake, wait'a minute!"

I didn't hear that, I just didn't. Engine noise ... Motorcycles are so loud. I really have to muffle these. When I get back ... remember to wave and grin.

Clear of the gate. Safe.

Safe except for myself. DamnDamnDamnDamn *why* did I have to do that? Stupid ass move, kissing him without being *sure*. How could I have been that stupid? If I'm really really lucky he'll buy my too excited to think excuse.

Kat's not that dense though. He *knows* what I did and was sickened by it. I saw that much in his face.

How could I have been so wrong? Of all people, Patrik was right. About all of it. Now I just have to hold myself together long enough to get to Cathedral, the last thing I need is taking a header off the bike 'cause I'm crying. Wouldn't that just make a perfect day; getting killed 'cause I wasn't watching the road.

Just get into battle mode and you'll do fine. No thinking, no reflecting, no regrets, just do, react and move.

Focus on the mountains ... the line of the fence and gate ... the guardhouse from dot to detail ... Brandy is on duty tonight. Kyn on the main sniper post.

Thank you fate. She won't hassle me over the mess I must look like.

Stop the bike, off with the helmet ... focus on the camera. I wonder if this'll change my heat pattern any? I hope not. I don't want to explain this out here. I doubt I could.

It's going to be bad enough explaining it all to Pakitra.

"You're cleared, sir." She smiles as she tags the open sequence for the gate. "Recover soon, Jake."

Get you helmet on and get behind closed doors. Don't think about what she meant, just nod and get the hell out of here. She's too perceptive by half, no matter how bad I look. Could I be *that* obvious?

Yes, I'm *that* bloody obvious. Damn. Stop looking at me like that! I don't need your pity.

That's better, not so many people in the halls. *Please* be in your quarters, Pat. I really need to collapse for a while. No questions, no pity, no responsibilities, no masks.

A small white ball of fluff in a light blue robe opens the door before I can knock. "Come on love, tea's ready."

"Thanks Pat."

She has the lights almost off, the smell of mint fills the room ...

"Brandy gave a call, she figured you'd be headed for me."

Too perceptive by half, that shekat is.

"It's her job, love. Her perception's why I hired her." Pat offers a thick mug and saunters for her bedroom. "You do have some of the worst timing on the planet, you know."

Now why can I take this from her? That from anyone else would have me running for the door right now. "I know." I wonder if my voice sounds that distant to her.

The tea is nice, warm and whatever about mint that relaxes me too much to even want to resist when she pulls me down and rolls on top. The mug lands on the nightstand without a drop spilled, somehow. One of these days I'm going to remember to have her show me that trick.

Gods, her weight and warmth feels good. It's been too long since I accepted this brand of physical comfort. I've wanted him so badly. That and male pride. I should know better by now.

"Now, this has to be about Chance ..."

I know this offer, talk willingly or have it dragged out. "I screwed up bad."

"Mmmhumm."

I can't look at her, her reaction. I'll feel it soon enough. "I kissed him, he took it badly, I ran. You were right." I'm a coward and a fool.

"Why?" She's still disturbingly relaxed. Why can't she be upset like me?

"I got confirmation that KynjuCorp is going to buy my LEW-15 plans at asking price..."

"Damn."

"Yah, well I sort of ran up, grabbed and kissed him ... just like in all those cheesy movies Mikia loves. Arms around his neck, feet off the ground and all."

"Damn."

"He just about choked. I got breathing room and sort of shoved the notice at him, did my best to pretend I hadn't done anything odd while I got out of the Yard. Said I had to show you. He didn't buy a word of it."

"And?"

"And I'm probably a deadkat if I go back anytime soon."

"You still in battle mode? You're oftly calm." She starts tracing patterns in my fur ... when the hell'd she get my shirt off?

"Yah, starting to wind down though. It'll hit me soon enough." That's an understatement if I ever made one. One thoughtless move and I destroyed everything I've worked to have.

"You are getting *so* fatalistic in your old age," she's half growling, half sighing. "What ever happened to my 'anything is possible autoshop class assistant'?"

"He met the Enforcers, and a couple bad relationships, and Chance." Damnit, why can't I stop crying? This isn't like me. "I resulted." Maybe it's what's left of that innocent one. I could really do without it.

"Shu, 'so'kay." Her voice is lower than usual, barely above a calm whisper.

Damn I'm predictable, she knows those words'll push me towards sleep. Though if I don't dream, I think I'm going to like it. There, she's settling in next to me, warm and soft ... so sure it's going to be okay even I kind of believe it.

Now why did we never try for lovers? She's everything I want ... we have sex ... reason somewhere ...


	3. To Heal a Broken Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pakitra sets plans into motion and Patrik takes her advice.

"Good, you're in time." Pakitra greeted her youngest test pilot at her quarter's door, dressed for the day. "Come in an be quiet. I'll explain."

"Yes, ma'am." The slender longfur tom nodded and followed her inside.

"What do you know about what Jake and I are to each other?" She motioned him to sit in the small kitchen.

"Umm, I know you've been close for a long time, I think since your teens." He watched her for confirmation.

"And what do you suspect?" She prompted the black and white ton.

Patrik blushed under thick fur. "You're sleeping together, but not as lovers?" He spoke, still trying to wrap his brain around the concept.

Pakitra nodded and sipped her tea. "True. Have you considered what that means to you, since you're courting him?"

"That I'll have to share, in all likelihood." He dropped his chin onto his forearms. "Is he going to be okay? I heard about his arrival."

"He'll be fine, though exactly _how_ depends on you." She smiled grimly and locked eyes.

"What do I have to do?"

"You don't _have_ to do anything. I can put him back together on my own." Pakitra shook her head. "This is hardly the first time it's come up."

"Then what?"

"I've watched you, and the two of you together. In my not so amateur opinion, you'd be very good for him, and you'd make a good pair." She paused for another drink, and continued as he was silent. "I'm offering you an opportunity to prove to him what he means to you." Pakitra let her eyes turn cold, "but understand this; he's very vulnerable right now, and if you hurt him, unintentionally or not, I will settle it with your blood. If you are not absolutely sure of yourself and your heart Kitten, back out while you can and court him normally."

"I understand." Patrik sat up straight. "What does he need?"

"He needs to be loved." She paused just long enough to get the first touch of frustration to cross his face and smiled slightly. "He associates physical comfort and pleasure with love, and won't accept it from anyone he doesn't. When he's hurting like this, it's mostly from focusing on one Kat too much and being rebuffed in some way. He forgets that he can have it from others, that he sometimes needs it from others. I'm the first he thinks of, but he can be brought around by physical affection from anyone he cares about. He does care about you."

"Fancy way of saying sex?"

"Sometimes," she murmured. "If it comes to that, so be it. But what he needs is to have someone care for _him_." Pakitra paused as comprehension flashed across his face.

"Putting him first. Don't happen much, does it?"

A sad smile and nod answered him and she stood. "I expect you to do what's best for him."

"I will, I promise."

"One tidbit." Pakitra stopped with her hand on door's keypad. "He likes ass rubbed."

"Thanks." He stood by the door for several minutes after she left, trying to formulate the best plan. Much was at risk, and much was to gain, and the pool of experience was exactly not on his side, hint or not.

"Just go in and do your best to make him feel good, it's not like you're all that clueless on the subject." Patrik muttered to himself and worked through the dark room to Pakitra's bedroom. What greeted him in the dark room stole his breath and thought.

Jake faced away and was sprawled on his belly, tilted up a bit by the pillow under most of his chest. The blankets were pooled at the foot of the bed. The thin power blue sheet under him offset his dark fur, giving almost a halo effect to the lean body. The top sheet barely covered one leg, fully exposing the long lines of his neck, back, ass and strong legs. His tail curled absently between spread legs.

"Oh, gods," came out with a breath before he managed to pull his thoughts together. His shirt was quickly dropped out of the way. He paused when he touched the top button of his jeans, then shook his head and slipped the belt out and toed his shoes off.

Trying to remember to breathe regularly, Patrik settled one knee on the bed below Jake's shoulder. Silently and softly as he could, he brushed one open hand from the muscular cinnamon shoulder to set it on the far hip and waited for a response. He took the barely audible purr and slight rock upwards of the hip he touched as a good sign, and shifted to kiss the back of his neck.

A slow line of kisses trailed Jake's spine as slender hands traced lines from shoulder to ankle. As the caressing tongue reach the small of his back, the hands left his sides and concentrated on rubbing circles across the hard globes below his tail. Unconsciously he twitched it out of the way, offering better access to the pleasure giver.

It was an offer Patrik took for one of his specialties. As gentle hands continued to caress the firm muscle to each side, he slipped his body down the bed as Jake opened his legs wider in accommodation.

Patrik brought his chin almost to the bed and breathed hotly over the tight pucker, smiling when it spasmed slightly. He wasn't ready when his tongue made the first moistening pass to have the entire body around him to jerk away.

"What the _hell_ ..." Jake sort of sputtered from his new position curled up at the head of the bed, eyes wide and body shaking, his tail curled tightly between his legs.

"Umm, rrrr. Rimming." Patrik tried not to panic. "It usually feels good."

"What were you _using_?"

"Tongue." He stuck it out for inspection. "Sorry, I didn't realize ..."

"Forget it, okay." Jake literally waved it off. "Just don't."

Patrik gulped, "basic backrub? If you like."

Jake regarded him for a long time before settling on his stomach without a word with his tail firmly between his legs. He tensed for a moment as the weight settled over his hips, then relaxed as warm, gentle hands worked the tension from his upper body. He couldn't help but groan as those hands finally worked their way down to his ass, the pleasure rumbled up from his balls to hypersensitized cock. He almost growled when those hands left, until they worked their magic on his tense legs.

When Patrik caressed his way back up, Jake rolled over to face the younger tom. One hand gripped his hip, the other palm covered the painfully hard erection trapped in cloth. "For me, or just for?" His voice was shaky, strained.

"Oh, gods." He couldn't stop the thrust of his hips against that strong hand. "You. Only for you." When nimble fingers undid his button, Patrik collapsed forward, bracing both hands against Jake chest and shaking. He clench his jaw as the pressure was released only to feel warm air then soft fur encase his straining flesh. He sobbed and shook in surrender when Jake's free hand pulled his head down and a hungry mouth met his.

"I will hold you to that." Jake half growled as he released his mate and started licking cum off his fingers.

Patrik closed his eyes to regain his breath as the cum cooled on his chestfur, and felt the hardness underneath him. "How would you like me to hold this?" He rocked his hips to emphasize the point and fought off the lethargy of post-coital conciseness.

"With your clothes off to start with." Jake smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Oh, yah." He twisted to roll on his back without crushing his new lover and pushed the jeans off as fast as he could. Then twisted the roll again to come up on his hands and knees, tail high and to the left before looking over to meet a sort of amused grin.

"Nice pose, but I wanted you were you were." He patted his lap softly. "Just with less clothing, and more lube."

"Oh." Patrik squirmed over to sit across his hips again and accepted the offered jar. He wrinkled his nose at the pungent lilac aroma, and did his best to ignore it as he carefully slicked fingers and opened himself up, arching his back and closing his eyes, displaying himself to best effect when a snippet of memory flickered up.

The trembling hiss that escaped Jake when he coated the other's throbbing penis was more than enough warning that this wouldn't last long. Not this time at least.

The older Kat's eyes glazed over and breath caught as Patrik lowered himself and the slick, hot tightness encased him. He tried to focus, to meet the concentrating gaze above him but each time progress was washed away by the controlled ripple of muscle plucking at each row of barb-hairs, dragging the pain-pleasure from him, demanding his seed.

When the dark head drooped before him, mouth open and straining he couldn't take it anymore and grabbed the hips over his and pushed his way in hard, jerking in time to rapid gasps as the warm fluid left his body is small spurts.

Patrik did his best to keep Jake inside him as the bigger tom rolled, pulling them both on their side, facing each other.

"Stay." Was barely whispered.

"Always, love." Patrik made himself as comfortable as he could and tried not to think too hard about what had just happened ... especially on whether he was taking advantage of Jake or not.


	4. The Way of Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patrik looks to Pakitra for some answers, and gets a few from Jake himself.

Pakitra paused as the door to her dark quarters slid shut with a low whoosh, searching for hints of what transpired in the previous nine hours, while trying to settle her nerve wracked stomach.

The teapot was where she left it, humidity was normal, and the odd mix of sweat, pheromones and semen that only came from sex hung heavy and stale in the air.

"Pakitra?" Patrik's low voice drew her attention from turning the heat on for the pot to the bedroom door where he stood uncertainly, wearing her powder blue robe.

"I can guess how it went," she smiled at him and wrinkled her nose. "So what's got you scared?"

Patrik bit his upper lip and squirmed. "He came in last night completely shattered, relationship-wise. You talked and whatever with him, and I try to make him feel good and all of a sudden he's treating me like we're starting a committed relationship. It's what I want, but this ... it's unnatural to switch like that."

"Not for me, Patrik." Jake pulled his startled mate against his bare chest. "It may not be common, but it is my nature." His voice dropped to a silky whisper. "I'm not using you as a substitute. I have better choices available if I wanted that."

Patrik looked up and back, trying to meet eyes before twisting in his arms. "Then do I get to hold you to the standard you hold me to?"

He couldn't hide his surprise for a moment. "I meant that. I only accept my equals, on equal terms."

"And her?" He nodded at the white shekat watching them carefully. "Is she included in 'no one else'?"

Jake closed his eyes then locked with Patrik. "If you need her to be, yes."

Patrik shivered at the pain so quickly buried in Jake's expression. "I ... until I understand your need ..." he broken contact with the golden eyes just above his own and curled into his chest. "I don't really want to sleep with anyone else, but it's _my_ nature to not want to share what's important to me. Make me understand what you need, and you'll have it. I have to be this selfish."

"Oh, kats." Pakitra let out a breath, her ears sinking. "Well, the tea is warming, and nobody's expecting us till tomorrow."

"It's that hard to explain?" Patrik glanced between the somber Kats.

"We don't try often." Jake turned to guide his mate back to the bed as Pakitra brought the mugs.

With all three of them settled; Jake naked, Patrik in the robe and Pakitra in full uniform, she opened. "I guess the best place to start is with a statement. By whatever combination of traits and fate, Jake and I exist outside the known relationship models."

Patrik mulled it over before asking, "can you say than in laykat?"

"Sex between us isn't ... sex." Jake gave it a try. He sighed and squimremed, then tried again. "Between Pakitra and me sex is like ... like ... well, kind of like sharing a meal. It's just part of how we share, catch up ... it's ..."

"Communication." She broke in. "I know we're not sounding like it, but there's something different between us ..." She shook her head. "I don't think I can explain this. I've had several lovers, and a Mate for four years once ... but it's not the same. It's not the _sex_ , not even the pleasure ..." her shoulders dropped. "I don't know how to explain it. We're friends that enjoy very close physical contact."

Patrik looked at his mate, inviting any additions. Jake only shook his head and curled tighter into a ball against the wall, facing them without really seeing.

"Pakitra, would you leave us?" He dropped her robe to the floor and uncurled to ghost kisses on Jake's lips until he blinked and kissed back, however weakly. "I'm sorry, I didn't think you were awake. I didn't mean to ask you quite yet."

"It would have come up anyway." Jake tried to shrug in the loose embrace, relaxing as the body heat and tender touches sank in.

"Yah, but not _now_." Patrik rubbed along the faint fur patterns on his mate's chest. "It would have waited a while."

Jake closed his eyes, in pleasure and preparation. "What else troubles you?"

"It'll wait," he ran hands along cinnamon sides.

"I'm as hurt as I'm going to be," Jake sighed. "Can we just get it over with? Please."

He paused, considered and dropped his head in acquiescence. "How much do you still feel for Chance?"

"I love him." Jake didn't hesitate. "I desire him." He released a deep breath. "I'll never have him."

"And if he offers?" Patrik pressed. "One night, no strings."

"I ... hope I'm strong enough to say no without collapsing on the spot." Jake entwined his fingers in Patrik's thick cheek-ruff. "I'm sorry, I can't promise you that now. I don't know _what_ I'd do if he offered. He might not even be willing to work with me anymore at this point."

Patrik nodded and drew a deep breath. "If it happens, if you sleep with another, _tell_ me." He looked directly into disbelieving golden eyes. "Trust me enough not to hate you for it. I won't like it, and I'll be upset, but don't keep that kind of thing from me. If you deserve my fidelity, I deserve the truth if you can't be."

Jake stared at him for several moments before smiling sadly. "Someone made you grow up fast, Rik." He pulled Patrik close for a deep kiss, aware of the worried blue eyes on them from across the room. "I give you what fidelity I can, and beg forgiveness for what I can not. You deserve better, but it is all I have to offer."

"It will be enough." Patrik molded his body against his mate. "But what's with 'Rik'?"

Jake chuckled. "Habit. I nickname those I'm intimate with. Pat's taken, Rik seemed the next obvious choice. It seems to suit you, somehow."

"So just how rare a company am I in now?" Patrik smiled deviously.

"Sa'wh't?" Jake choked, then remembered his promise. "Umm, you're the fifth." He paused at the sudden tension in his mate. "What?" He asked softly.

"I'm the fifth Kat you've had sex with?" Patrik pushed himself up, bracing against Jake's chest to stare him.

"Ummhum," he nodded. "Is that so unusual to you?"

"Well, yah." Patrik couldn't help his blush. "Most Kats I know ... well know more that that by graduation. And Enforcers ..."

"Different generations, different family standards." Jake nuzzled him. "I still remember my mom being more upset that I was active without being married than she was that it was with a tom. A lot more upset."

"That's weird."

"Only to you." Jake closed his eyes and sighed, relaxing. "What is it you see in me anyway?"

"Hu?" Patrik blinked at him. "Umm, you're brilliant, sexy, confident, you ... make me feel cared for when you look at me, talk to me. Even around here there's almost no one that I can _talk_ to. I'm too far ahead of them."

Jake shivered, "damn." A light hand ran through Patrik's long black hair. "You realize I can't spend much more time here than I do?"

"I know, SWAT and appearances ... and that I can't be seen hanging out with you much outside Cathedral for the same reason." Patrik buried his face in Jake's chest. "I know, but this is still more than nothing, and in a few years it won't be like this. SWAT'll be here and I'll be old enough to not cause a scene."

"True enough," Jake murmured. "True enough. I'm sorry for it all."


	5. A Moment To Change Your Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chance is disturbed by the kiss and mulls over what just happened, tries to call Jake, and ends up talking to his sister who gives him the biggest shock of his life so far.

"Hey, Jake, wait'a minute!" My lips are still tingling as I hear my voice die in the roar of his engine and wave as he pulls out at speed.

What just happened? He hugged me ... and ...

And kissed me, on the lips. I felt his tongue. Soft.

Why? You only kiss like that when you want to sleep with someone ... but we both toms.

Doesn't make sense. And I liked it. How could I like it? He's male.

"Giving me a kruddy headache."

* * *

"Bro, you'll telling me that your partner kissed you, you liked it and now you're upset." Ramma's voice echoed over the phone.

"Basically ..."

"So what the problem?" Clearly loosing patience.

"He's a _he_."

"And ..."

"And what?" Chance couldn't help but snarl. "We're both toms."

"And that grosses you out, scares you, gives you the creeps ... what's the problem?" She was sounding more normal.

"Uh?"

"He kissed you. You liked it. What happened next?" She asked patiently.

"How could I like it?" Chance sounded as lost as his sister was dumbfounded.

"Bro, what do you think Linda is to me?"

"Hu?" He lost track for a second at the sudden shift, but came back confidently. "She's your best friend. What does that ..."

"She's my lover, bro." She chuckled. "I knew you could be dense sometimes, but damn kat, how can you be _that_ dense? We've been living together for over six years ... all the family functions."

"So have Jake and I." He threw up the only defense he could think of. "How can you be lovers?"

"Chance, I'm not sure I even _want_ to know how you could be that ignorant." Ramma groaned. "Look, just digest this concept. Kats of the same sex _can_ and _are_ lovers."

"How?"

"What part of that don't you get?" She tried to stay calm.

"How can the sex work?" He asked in a small voice.

"Bro, you are a true gem sometimes." She chuckled. "Look, are you interested in finding out about the other side of sex?"

"I guess." He didn't sound too sure of it. "What should I do if he does that again?"

"Go with it. If you like it, go with it." She purred. "Odds are good he's got some experience to make up for your lack. Just be up front in what you want and what's going on for you."

"Go with it, follow him. I can do that."

"I know. I saw you two in uniform remember. You are _such_ a sub to that boy."

"Hu?"

"Never mind. You'll learn about it." She sighed. "Look, what kind of timetable are you on?"

"Don't know." He shrugged. "He'll probably be back tomorrow morning."

"Are you planning to bring this up?"

"How?"

"I'll take that as a no." She grumbled, and started tapping on her computer. "Look, can you stand to be around him with this unresolved?"

"I guess."

"You are _not_ helping here," was hissed. "Are you _serious_ about learning how to love another tom?"

"You think that's what this is?" Chance's voice was low. "That I'm in love with him?"

"Not so uneducated guess, yes. Tingly lips indeed."

"You like it?"

"Yes," she didn't hesitate.

He starred at the Bikini Babes calendar for a long time. "I'll learn."

"Okay. Only one downside to this. The only tom _I_ trust enough to help you isn't taking new clients. I'm going to have to call in a couple favors in person. It'll still take several months to set up."

"Uhh, Ramma. This isn't that big a deal. Really." He shivered. "Really. If Jake wants something, he'll tell me."

"If he's kissed you and bolted, he's _already_ tried. Judging from the last half hour, he's probably tried a lot." She growled. "Odds are, you're going to _have_ to make he next move at this point. He's told you his desire, he'll be waiting for your answer. If he's at all decent, he won't try again."

"If he wants something, he'll tell me. He always does." He let the stubborn irritation building in him show in his voice.

"Okay, bro. I'll still talk to my friend in case you change your mind. By the time he can see you, you'll know if Jake's going to do anything, okay?"

"Yah, okay." He looked around the small office. "I need to check on him. I'll talk to you later, sis."

"Talk to you later, bro." She hung up.

* * *

I hate it when she's right.

 _How_ could she be right? It still doesn't make sense, but she's right like Jake's right. They prove out in the end. So she's right and as usual I don't get it. Nothing new there.

But what ... how can ... how that that even _work_?

Just stop thinking Chance. Either Jake'll show you or Ramma's friend will.

For now, just find out he's okay and where the hell he took off to.

No answer? "Come on buddy, you _can't_ be partying that hard yet."

Okay, okay. Tracer. He's on a bike, he _can't_ be out of tracer range yet.

WHAT? No, no, this is not right. He is _not_ here.

Shit, damn Kat's left he comm behind. Now what?

"Now you sit down and find something to do until he gets back. He doesn't _owe_ you an explanation."

But he damn well better have one.

"Why you'd have to start this, Jake? We were doing fine before."


	6. Going Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chance is disturbed by the kiss and mulls over what just happened, tries to call Jake, and ends up talking to his sister who gives him the biggest shock of his life so far.

Just act like nothing's wrong; you just partied a little too hard \-- true enough, gang gave a hell of a bash last night -- and had to stay over. Not the total truth, but true. He's never had the total truth about Cathedral and we haven't suffered much for it.

Well, this is it. Home sweet home. For however long it lasts.

"Jake!"

He's charging? Full bore run at least. What is that in his voice? Excited ... sorta angry, sorta relived ... something else too.

Just turn the motor off and go greet him by the plan. You've done enough secret stuff to pull it off. Pretend it's nothing unusual at all. In a way, it's not.

"Urrk?" A bearhug was not on the list of what he'd do ... what gives? Le'go ... thank you. Now what?

"Where the FUCK were you?"

Let go of my arms, I've got enough bruises already. And you don't have to get in my face for an answer.

Okay, he's definitely upset, but over three days? "Umm, well, celebrating with friends. Some other Engineers. I crashed at Pakitra's. I thought I said I was going ..."

A visible effort to calm down? And hasn't slept much. Not good. Not what I was expecting, but still not good. What the hell did I get myself into?

"Not really. You just said something about showing that paper and took off."

Pressure's off my arms, good and ... why's he walking away?

"At least last time you had a comm, and your gear."

He thought this was like Dark Kat's setup? Damn, now _that's_ a misread, but one to my favor. "Sorry, buddy. I figured you heard me, and I had a comm. You know I always carry one."

Oh, shit. I just said something wrong.

"You mean this?" He holds his hand out, palm up.

Oh, gods. "My comm ..."

"Yah, no comm, no gear, no way to track or contact you. You could at least left her phone number."

He's really upset, wow. When did I start to rate this level of concern?

"I'm sorry, buddy. I didn't think ... where'd I leave that?"

"In your desk downstairs."

Say _what_?

"I was looking for her full name or phone number. Fuck, I was looking for a _clue_ to where you were. We've got some nasty enemies and I all could do was pace and wait."

Maybe one of them replaced you, buddy. You aren't acting like my partner.

"Look, just forget it."

I catch the comm on reflex when he throws it. Yah, let's forget it, but I'm keeping an eye on you for a while.


	7. In the Forests of the Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jake and Patrik have a true day off together, and go on a picnic in Cathedral's protected forest land. Patrik asks some hard questions about what Jake actually needs, wants and feels -- and while he gets honest answers, they aren't what he wanted to hear and tries another approach.

"You really outdid yourself," Patrik purred across the picnic blanket, on their first real day off together deep in the private evergreen forest preserve Cathedral maintained in the valley across from its desert testing range.

"Thank you." Jake shifted slightly and smiled at the rare sight of his mate in natural sunlight. "I don't get many opportunities to cook like this."

"Mmm?"

"Well," he took a bit of sandwich. "Chance just doesn't care, Pat's a better cook than I am, and you usually won't let me be that long."

"Maybe I'll start." He snagged a small slice of fresh cornbread and sweetmeat. "Never realized I was missing out on much."

"Oh?"

"Never thought of a tom as a good cook." Patrik shrugged. "But you seem to break all the rules anyway." He looked down, suddenly uninterested in the food or view.

"Rik?" Jake froze, eyes locked on his mate's hunched form. "Patrik? What did I say?"

He shook his head, sending his loose ponytail dancing irately and shivered.

He scrambled around the blanket to hold his mate, bringing Patrik's body against his own with the younger tom's face buried against his chest, and tried to hold still except for rubbing his back and watching.

"You okay?" Jake asked softly when the slender form in his arms stilled somewhat.

"Yah," the voice that answered was still choked with tears. "Just gets to me sometimes. Sorry." He made no effort to move.

"What gets to you, love?" He spoke as softly as he could.

A shuddering sigh escaped Patrik before he curled up a little more. "You. Us. Them."

Jake waited for a long moment before asking for an explanation. He was cut off by Patrik's dull voice before the first word formed.

"The more I find out about you, the more I love you." He didn't fight the tears this time and continued almost desperately. "And I'm not good enough." A deep sob broke the sentence, "leave."

"Ah, hells." Jake hauled him fully against his body and buried his nose in the long black hair. "Rik, Patrik, I would not _be_ here if you weren't good enough. You _are_. More than good enough. You ..."

" _You_ want someone else." Was a sobbing snarl as Patrik pushed himself as far away as Jake allowed and glared. "I'm not good enough. If I was you wouldn't ..."

"NO!" He snarled without check on his rage, twisted and slammed Patrik on the ground and pinned him there, forearms, hip and legs.

"Owe! Hay." He blinked and froze at the raw furry in the Kat above him. "Holy ..."

"How DARE you believe that after all we told you?" Jake roared, his breathing already heavy, ears flat and fangs barred in open threat. "How dare you say you love me, accept my love, accept my sacrifice and _still_ believe you're not _good_ enough for me." He started shaking hard and lowered his barred teeth within inches of Patrik's nose, locked eyes with the wide blues ones below and nearly whispered. "How dare you degrade me like that and say you love me."

"Gods," was the only thing to escape Patrik's throat for a long moment as he desperately tried to figured out that would get his mate to cool off a little. "I ... didn't mean it like that." He shivered at the cold fire glittering in the golden eyes staring down at him and tried for the only gambit that had always worked, and prayed his voice stayed steady. "If I really _listen_ until I understand, can I sit up? Please."

His guts turned to ice when Jake actually had to think about it before he backed off and settled on the blanket.

"Okay," Patrik shivered at the complete lack of warmth in his mate as he sat across from him and took a deep breath. "Do you love me? The 'forever' kind of love." He trembled at the storm gathering so obviously just under the surface. "I'm serious here, I ..."

"Yes, I love you. Yes, it is the 'forever' kind." He settled with his chin on an arm over his knees and visibly calmed down. "I wouldn't have had sex with you otherwise."

Patrik looked at his hands, mentally tallying up just how much the older tom and given up for him and what he'd done in return. He shivered at the length of first list and looked up to face the only question that truly mattered. "If you love me that much, and if I'm really good enough for you ... please don't get mad, I have to understand this and I _don't_. If I'm good enough, why do you still want ... need ... whatever, someone else?"

"I just ..." He stopped, sighed and shook his head. "Do you love all your sisters?"

"Yes, what ..."

"Does loving the youngest one take anything away from what you feel for the others?"

"Well no, but ..."

"There is no difference." Jake growled. "I love you. I love Pat. I love Chance. I still love San and Del and William and Tessra, people I pray you never meet. The fact that I fell for you last doesn't mean I love you the most or the least. That I still love the others doesn't mean I love you any less or differently. That I'm only thirty-one, and the odds are good I'll fall in love again, doesn't mean I'll _ever_ want to leave you."

Patrik sat silently, trying to digest this. Trying and ... "Why do you have to want to sleep with them?"

Jake sobbed in frustration, his fingers curled tightly in his short hair. "Because. That. Is. What. I. Am." He looked up, the anger simmering back to the surface and snapped. "Why do you need to be the only one?"

"Because I'm afraid of loosing you." The words were out of Patrik's mouth before he could stop them.

Jake snapped his focus on his mate. His anger and frustration melted almost immediately as he uncurled to offer an embrace, quickly accepted and held. "Shu Rik. Never be afraid of that."

"Can't help it." He wrapped his arms around Jake's chest. "I see you look at Pakitra or talk about Chance and I know you're not cheating on me but it's so obvious you want to so badly. Especially with her. I still don't understand why you chose me over her."

"Because I didn't." Jake held Patrik still when he tried to move. "Listen to me. I did not choose you over her, just as I would not choose her over you if you permitted us the physical connection. It is not an either or situation."

"Maybe it is to me." Patrik relaxed a little at the feel of the strong heartbeat next to his own. "The physical is all I have that they don't."

"And that matters?" Jake's confusion showed despite his soft voice.

Patrik looked up, meeting clouded golden eyes. "Yes it matters. You say you love me for life, but you'd give the one thing reserved to mates to others."

Jake sat there, his arms around his mate and watched the fear grow in the blue eyes below his. "Haven't I been good to my word? To only be with you unless you gave consent."

Patrik looked away. "Yes. You have done everything you promised and a lot more. You've gone out of your way to make me feel loved and wanted and not threatened by what you want. So has Pakitra. It doesn't seem to help much." He looked back. "I never said it was rational, just that it's true."

Jake breathed deeply and closed his eyes before regarding his mate again. "What do you want?"

"To be the only one in your heart."

"I can't give you that." Jake sighed into his hair. "I'm sorry, I can't stop loving them any more than I can stop loving you."

"I know," Patrik shivered. "And I wouldn't ask for it in seriousness. But it _is_ what I want. I can't change that, any more than you can change what you want. And it hurts."

"I know." Jake murmured and pulled Patrik a little closer. "Is there anything I _can_ do?"

He sat silently, soaking up the warmth of his mate's body and the bright sunlight and let his mind drift for an answer. "Tell me what you see in me. What makes me worth all this to you?"

Jake relaxed his grip slightly, then relaxed his body. "You're bright and so full of life. I've seen so much, done so many things I regret it keeps me up at night. I can sleep in your arms without nightmares. You make me look at the world again, not just as an enemy but as something wonderful to explore." He let his eyes drift closed. "But mostly, you make me feel more complete when you're in the room. You can smile or say hi and snap me out of a mood without even trying. It's enough that I even keep a little bit of that feeling when I'm away and working. Even Chance noticed I'm a little more fun to be around."

"Pakitra makes you feel that way too?"

He nodded lightly. "Sort of. She counters a different part of me, and she _knows_ me." He caught Patrik's chin and force eye contact. "Can you understand that? That each of you completes me in different ways. Your love enhances hers, hers is what enables me to risk touching you. Chance gives me something else."

"Okay," he agreed uncertainly. "I ... need to think about this."

Jake shifted back the few inches so he could rest against a big tree and pulled Patrik close. "Then think where you belong, love. In my arms."

"Mmmm," he snuggled in. "I like this."

"Good." Jake murmured, one tear trickling down his cheek ruff. "Good."

* * *

Patrik squirmed a little when the sun was half way past it's zenith. "Jake, will you make love to me?"

"Urr?"

"A fantasy," he looked into worried eyes, then dropped his own. "I know it sounds silly, but if I have enough special memories with you, things no one else has done for me that I really want ... maybe the part of me that wants the same for you, to give you want you want even if it's not me all the time, can win."

"Rik, some days you scare me." Some humor shown in his voice.

"Why?"

"'Cause I didn't learn that kind of logic till my mid twenties, and I had a good teacher."

"So did I." Patrik smiled fondly. "Two of them tag teaming. You do not grow up with two middle class moms and _not_ learn to process the nine hells out of everything."

Jake laughed and rolled sideways at that, pulling Patrik down and on top of him along the roots of the tree. "I bet. Pat's bad enough on us poor toms."

"Yah, but she's going to save us from ourselves." He smiled down at his mate, a little uncomfortable at the dominant position.

"Again." Jake sobered. "What _is_ your fantasy?"

"Umm, urrrr." He blushed brightly under dark fur but got the words out. "Well, out here, with the sun on my back, and you kneeling kind of like you were. Face to face with you inside me."

Jake swallowed hard and nodded. "We can try."

He cocked his head curiously as he got up.

"Well, I'd give it a safe guess you've never tried the position, and I haven't." Jake shrugged.

Patrik flicked him a surprised look and continued unbuttoning his shirt as Jake reached for something in the inside pocket of his jacket.

"Did I just frag another of your ideas about me?" He smiled apologetically.

"Yah," Patrik shook his head. "I'll live." He paused, watching the movement of his mate as a nagging question finally reached the level to be asked. "Jake, who was your fifth lover? The one you didn't name."

"What?" Jake froze. "I'd rather not talk about him."

"Just ..."

"Rik, please don't." He met curious eyes and saw them register the hurt and look away. "If you need to know, ask Pat. I'll tell her it's okay." He touched one shaking shoulder. "Hell, find a few days to sit with her and just listen. You'll get and earful, good, bad and tips."

"I noticed that." He still looked down and away. "She's very good at ... at ... I'do'no' ..."

"Controlling me?" Jake smiled slightly. "I know. I love her for it." Patrik's bewildered look prompted more. "Everywhere I go, everything I do ... here, the Enforcers, the Salvage Yard, SWAT, you ... everywhere I'm responsible for lives, sometimes for taking them, mostly for saving them, or trying to at least." He looked away, across the forest and sky. "It takes its toll. Not just on me, but on my temperament and sanity and everyone who has the misfortune of being around me. She's one of the few people I trust enough _not_ to be responsible for the world around. I can relax when I'm with her and know that things will still be taken care of. Somehow, it's usually enough to being me back to level. It gets harder the older I get, but it's still enough."

"Oh." Patrik squirmed into Jake's loose embrace and held still. "I didn't realize ... what living did to you."

Jake glanced down before looking away again. "I've tried to shield you from it for the most part." He sighed. "You take such joy in living, I didn't see a reason to telling you about another way to live."

"Oh," he didn't try to challenge the idea, despite how wrong it sat with him. He just accepted the physical contact he was getting and let his mind drift over the afternoon.

* * *

The sun was still fairly high and warm when Jake's mind stumbled back across Patrik's fantasy, and the reason for asking it. Squashing every reservation, he opened both palms and caressed his mate's body.

"Rik," his voice was soft, willed full of desire. "Trust me?"

"Always." Patrik's mind and body focused its awareness on what his mate was doing. The excitement of having those skilled hands and mouth caressing him without being asked adding much to the physical touch and he didn't bother to conceal the pleasure the rare event caused.

"Stand." He whispered before tugging lightly and releasing him.

Patrik took the momentary break to try and get a grip on his breathing, and drink in a new sight -- his mate all but posting as he undressed. Every move was fluid, controlled; designed to best display the lean, hard body in the sunlight.

"Mercy," Patrik groaned, hid hands finding the buttons on his jeans by reflex more than thought to release the aching hardness trapped inside.

"Please don't." Jake crooned, twisting to his feet in a graceful slide and drawing Patrik against him for a slow, gentle kiss. "Let me."

He nodded weakly as Jake ran his hands through long fur. His knees buckled as Jake's mouth closed over his left nipple and tugged experimentally on the simple gold loop in it.

"Mmm, you like that?" The purring croon reached Patrik's ears as strong arms held him safely up and he focused on the smiling face below him with difficulty. With a near smirk it turned back to his nipple again, this time the slick back of Jake's tongue brushed upward again the hard nub as he curled it through the loop.

Patrik knew he'd screamed before Jake moved on to the other side, then down. He couldn't make himself care -- his mate was making love to him -- _to_ him. Unasked. And taking his time.

Sharp teeth against the crook of his shoulder as firm hands caressed his cock and balls through his jeans wrenched a wining groan from him. "Please ..."

"Mmmrr?"

"Want ... in me ... cum." He managed to gasp. " _Please_."

In reply those nimble fingers undid his pants quickly and slid inside them and the underwear before sliding down with them and coaxing each foot up in turn. Then caressed and nibbled his way up leisurely.

"Jake ..." He almost sobbed.

"Shu, love." He soothed, fingers quickly opening up is mate. "Just a little more."

Patrik shook, need, anticipation and desire warring for dominance as Jake slid around to face him and sank down on both knees, kissing his way down. With hands on his mate's hips and keeping their eyes locked, he supported Patrik down against his chest and guided himself into Patrik's slick ass as the younger Kat settled to rest on Jake's thighs and his own feet.

Patrik looked down into open pools of loving desire and groaned at the first small thrust upwards. He desperately forced his eyes to stay open and claimed Jake's partially open, willing mouth as his body finally surrendered, shuddering as he spilled hot semen between them.

* * *

"Hi," Jake's amused voice was the next thing that managed to register with Patrik.

"Hi," he looked up at Jake, then around. Then were side by side, loosely wrapped in the picnic blanket and quite sticky.

"If you were trying to give me an ego trip, you succeeded." He added with a tender kiss.

"Hu?"

"Love, you fainted from the orgasm." Jake chuckled, fingers playing patterns in his mate's long fur.

"It feels like you didn't finish." Patrik nudged his hip forward, against a very hard cock.

"Yah, well, I like my partners conscious." Jake shrugged.

Patrik sobered, then smiled and caressed Jake ruff. "Do you have a fantasy I can fulfill?"

He stiffened almost immediately and stared at his mate, then relaxed and shook his head, "but I'd like a blow-job if you're up for it."

Patrik smiled and arranged himself, "as long as you are." He stroked the still slick shaft to remove as much lube as he could, grateful that they'd found a palatable one and grinned at the low rumble his preparations gathered.

He took the tip into his mouth, just enough to circle his tongue around before the barb hairs started and was rewarded by a deep groaning whimper. Half an inch at a time he teased and suckled his mate to the sheath and began working his way back up to increasingly desperate whimpers and groans as he carefully engaged each barb hair with his rough tongue. Playing them for the sharp pleasure he knew it brought.

He nipped the very tip, and when Jake howled he dived to take it all the way down his throat before his mate came, milking it with his throat and purring as deeply as he could and enjoying every strangled groan he raised.

Patrik only released his mate and turned to snuggled into his arms when he'd softened and begun slipping back into his sheath.

"I love you," was whispered mutually as they drifted off in the warmth of sunlight and honest affection.


	8. Necessity over Right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pakitra's talk to Jake about 'just how serious is this?' and what he plans to do about his natural need for multiple partners and the future, turns into something much more desperate.

"How'd it go?" Pakitra asked as she closed the door on the outer film development lab after The Lyden Raven spyplane finished it's latest camera test run.

"Very good," an orange marmalade shekat grinned. "Not only are the cameras a real improvement, but this time we got something worth _looking_ at." She handed a few large photos to her white CO. "Gorgeous are they? You can even see the barb hairs on the longfur. That was from six miles at mach 3, give or take. I did a couple loops."

"Oh, gods." Pakitra whispered as it sunk in who she was looking at and she scanned quickly through the rest of the shots. "Yes, they are. Now destroy them, and the negatives."

"WHAT?"

"Destroy all trace of the shots with either of these toms in them." She stated flatly. "We have enough photos of the scenery and targets to prove camera quality without risking the facility."

"It's just a couple of toms ..."

"Yes, and one of them knows every security code in the place and is not likely to take this," she flashed the photos, "well at all."

"B..."

"Chanra, I don't give a damn if it sounds logical, just destroy them." She put her handful down. "These are a _huge_ security risk."

"Yes, ma'am." She put the first roll in a chemical bath and watched it devolve. "Can I ask who they are?"

"No." Pakitra stayed as the negatives and double prints of each shot with her friends in it was dissolved. She left barley controlling her disturbed thoughts.

* * *

"Patrik, I need to barrow your mate for a bit." Pakitra's smile was strained as they entered the hall to the Akindra team's quarters well after dark.

"Pat, you ..." he dropped it at a sharp glance and looked at Patrik. "I'll meet you in your quarters, okay?"

"Yah, okay." He looked at them uncomfortably before quickly heading down the hall.

The pair walked quickly in silence to her quarters. By their own custom, only after the door shut did either speak again.

"Can we talk while I shower?" Jake asked before she could start. "I'm filthy."

"Sure," she followed him into her bathroom and watched silently, leaning against the wall as he stripped and adjusted the water to the high heat he liked.

With the translucent curtain between them he asked her what she wanted.

With a low sigh she opened what she knew would not be a pleasant conversation. "Just how serious are you about Patrik?"

"What kind of question is that?" He didn't even try to temper his irritation.

"The kind that comes from a friend watching you go crazy between two needs." She kept her voice carefully neutral. "Is this worth his life to you?"

Jake let his hands fall from his hair and held still. "It won't come to that."

"It almost has." She growled lightly. "He's not making much ..."

"Yes he is." He snapped.

"And _that_ is what I'm talking about." She refused to escalate it any more than she had to. "You're loosing control. I see it and I'm pretty sure he has, even if he doesn't understand _what_ it is." She held her arms and shifted as he rinsed his hair. "Are you so sure you're not going to hurt him needing something he can't give?"

Jake stopped moving, then started shaking under the hot water. "I already did, and scarred him more. But he understood a lot today, I finally found the right words, or some of them at least."

She shed her clothes as he spoke, slipped in the shower behind him and let her voice slip into command mode. "Relax, I'm going to clean you up."

After one sharp tremor when she grabbed his shoulder he sort of relaxed and braced his hands on either side of the shower control and spread his legs.

"That's better." She lathered a large dollop of shampoo and rubbed it into the fur of his neck, then continued down with slow, massaging fingers as each knot of tension and pain melted. "Is he really worth this much pain?"

"Yes," his soft voice offered nothing to challenge.

She sighed and slid one hand between his ass cheeks, stringently ignoring his pleasured groans. "You have got to start loving Kats that are going to understand you early."

"I did with you." He sort of chuckled as she moved to the backs of his legs. "More than one would unbalance my luck."

"Much worse than this and it'll cost you your life." She half growled. "Eight times you've fallen in love, six have gone bad already and each is worse to recover from than the last. Patrik's nearly killed you and it's not over."

"Pat, I can't stop it." He dropped his head between his shoulders. "I need him."

She sighed, "I know," and stood up. "Turn."

He shifted to face her, his arms still supporting him but stretched back as she return to his neck, gently massaging the shampoo into the short fur of his throat and chin before working down along his shoulders, arms and chest.

"Jake," she paused and stood after she reached his abbs to meet his half-closed eyes. "I'm sorry for my part is this."

"Wha?"

"I'm sorry for my part is this. I knew you would bond with the next person you slept with if it wasn't me, and I saw a good mate for you in Patrik. I should have realized that after two and a half years without me you wouldn't make it through the transition unscathed."

"Pat, I let ..."

"On my word." She brought a silencing hand to his lips. "Would you have had sex if _I_ hadn't sent him in?"

Jake stared at her for a long moment, trying to remember, and finally admitted, "no. I wouldn't have. Does it matter anymore?"

"Yah, a little." She broke eye contact. "You know you're not going to make the next four months."

"I will." He offered assurances he knew both recognized as a lie.

"Don't lie to me, Jake." Flattened her ears and glared. "You're not very good at it."

"Fine, so I'm not going to make four months, probably less than that." He snapped. "I still gave him my word."

"No you didn't. You promised to _try_ and said you doubted you'd manage it." She placed her open palm over his erection, drawing a gasp. " _I_ told him that he'd probably have to share with me. What you gave your word on was to _tell_ him if you did sleep with another."

"Only if Chance offered." He squeezed his eyes closed.

"And if he was here right now ..."

"Damnit, don't ..." he broke off, desperate to regain some shred of control and grateful that she removed her hands. " _He_ wouldn't be in the shower fondling me. You're the only one that takes that kind of liberty uninvited."

"Fine." She crossed her arms. "You and Chance are naked \-- that _does_ happen -- and he kisses you."

Jake looked away, "I'd respond."

"How?"

"I'd kiss him back, I'd probably have him against the wall before I even thought about it." He snarled, hurting. "He's not going to mmmmph ...."

Pakitra cut him off with a fierce kiss, pushing both their bodies under the hot spray again. "And I will." She backed off fractionally. "Tell me I'm wrong. That you aren't a hairsbreadth away from hurting him or yourself _badly_. That you don't need this, need me."

Jake closed his eyes, "you're right, but it doesn't make _this_ right."

"No, but necessity takes precedence over right." She nudged him back into position to finished cleaning up, both relieved and heartbroken at his limp compliance. She touched her forehead to his chest and murmured, "I'm sorry for this, for initiating it and what has to be done to try to fix it."

"Pat," he shifted his weight to bring his hands forward and brought her face level to his own. "I chose to sleep with him, knowing what it would mean. I chose to demand his sole attention, knowing what _that_ would mean. As much as you did to set it up, it was my choice in the end." He leaned the few inches separating them to kiss her weakly. "I deserve what I've gotten for that. He doesn't." He shushed her when she opened her mouth. "This is going to hurt him, a lot, maybe even too much to stay with me. But it's a hurt he knew might come. What I did to him today, I, _no one_ , warned him I could be violent unprovoked. I barely know it myself. I _can't_ do that to him again. I can't see that look on his face again. Once was too much. Pat, he was terrified, of _me_. And with good cause."

"Lesser of two evils," she whispered, searching his face for how much he knew of what she saw happening. Enough comprehension was there, but not the full knowledge of blood, rape or suicide she had nightmares of.

"Yes," his voice was low.

"Lean back, you're still a mess." She smiled slightly when he complied on his own and began working shampoo into his abbs and legs, leaving his groin for last.

"Pat?" He asked as she started on his right leg.

"Mmm?"

"What did you see?"

"What?" She hesitated before continuing her cleaning massage.

"What dream set your mind?" He asked again. "I know it's bad, I know you see it, but you _know_ something I don't, again. You're _too_ scared. What is it?"

She stopped and settled on her knees, her eyes focused on the shower stall floor. "I saw you rape Patrik; brutal, desperate and angry. He was bloody, screaming and begging you to stop until he passed out. He bled from his ass and claw gashes and bites that broke bone. I saw you come out of it a little and recognize what you did, took him to SickBay and took off. I saw you challenge Enforcers from your bike, shoot at them and hit, until one took you up on it and chased you too fast to breathe. When you stopped, you attacked them. You hurt one bad before his partner shot you. We had to bury you both. I saw it happen _soon_ , before summer was out."

He swallowed hard, recognizing the sickening plausibility of it all if he slipped much further out of control, and sank down to pull her into his arms. "Pat, love, I'm sorry."

"I'm as much at fault as you." She shivered. "And fault matters very little now." She twisted slightly in his embrace to stroke his balls and the full length of his sheath and hard cock and kissed him gently. "Only stopping that future."

"Kahkild, please," his voice was nearly begging. "Rik gives me gentle."

She nodded lightly and stood, leaning over him to turn the water off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pakitra's vision _was_ what the series outline said (slightly toned down on the damage/ death, but the events were there). She _really_ objected and didn't listen when this one was supposed to stay no-sex and radically altered the next six + stories. I love my characters. _frustrated sigh_


	9. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Jake sleeps exhausted in Pakitra's bed at Cathedral, she deals with Patrik in her own way.

"Com'n." Patrik called to the knocking on his door, already knowing it wasn't his mate.

"Hi, Patrik." Pakitra said softly as the door shut behind her. "Sit, we need to talk." Her exhaustion was obvious, as was her unease.

"If I guess you two had sex, would I be right?" He asked before she'd even settled.

She just stared, her jaw loose.

"Pakitra, I'm not dense or blind, just a little selfish." He didn't quite meet her eyes. "I am right, aren't I?"

"Yes," she nodded confirmation. "I'm sorry it had to be this way ..."

"Save it, okay?" He clutched his arms. "I figured out what you two were trying to tell me six months ago, or at least the _reason_ for it. Doesn't make it much easier to face, but I get it."

She watched him curiously, wondering how much of their afternoon she'd missed.

"I won't even pretend to understand _how_ you curb his detachment, and the rage the it brings, but I've watched him slowly self destruct for lack of it." He looked directly at her. "He scarred the nine hells out of me today. I thought he was going to kill me, or worse."

"It was close," she nodded slightly, that much matched Jake's statements, and the photos.

He dropped his gaze. "I can't say I like it any more than I did six months ago, but I understand the need enough. I was going to tell him that if he felt he needed your company, to tell me and go. I'd _find_ a way to live with it, somehow."

Pakitra opened her mouth to say something, but he cut her off.

"Let me get this out," was nearly growled. "That _holds_. I hate it, but I hate what _not_ having at least a little contact with you is doing to him more."

She nodded silently, more than a little stunned.

"What I need from you is what he needs from _me_ right now, and how often I'm going to have to share him." He finally looked up again, blue eyes bright with unshed tears, nearly begging for the answers he wanted to hear.

Pakitra blinked and scrambled through her prepared speech for what was still pertinent. "What he needs from you, is your affection. Pretty much as simple as that. Be in the bed when he wakes up, make love to him, fulfill one of his simpler fantasies if you're up to it." She shook her head. "He's has a _very_ rough few hours at my hand."

"Rough?"

She sighed and faced him. "The baseline of what Jake needs from me is the opportunity to completely submit, to not be responsible for anything, including himself for a few hours. It's usually rough, he likes being helpless and hurt when he can get to the slave mentality level."

"You're talking bondage and S&M," Patrik supplied, well past stunned.

"Yes," she nodded. "Though we don't follow the scene, that is essentially what we do."

"So what am I going to be looking at?" He almost didn't want to know.

"He's stopped bleeding and I cleaned the worst of it up. Most of it was done _getting_ him into the right mindset. Jake doesn't give up control easily, even when he wants to. I've got a few scratches from tonight too.

"But what you'll see." She ran a hand through her collar length silver hair. "He's currently asleep in my bed, and I left the handcuffs on. I wasn't sure how kinky you two'd gotten."

"No where near what either of us are comfortable with, apparently." He said mutely. "And I thought we communicated pretty well."

"I think you do, but he's got trust issues _I_ don't have a complete grip on yet." Pakitra offered. "You'll see some blood matted into his fur, the beginnings of a lot of scabs, and he'll be sore and groggy and very compliant."

"Okay, so how often does he need this?" Patrik got to what concerned him most.

"I really don't know," she sighed. "It's been two and a half years since our last session, which is pretty long and obviously too long."

"Give it a good guess." He growled, exacerbated. "Daily, Weekly, Monthly, Yearly?"

"Two-three times a year, minimum." She consented. "Monthly at the very worst. We don't have a true pattern, it's ninety percent how much stress he's under and how much of an outlet he has elsewhere. Razor's actually been very good for him on that count."

"As weird as it sounds, that actually makes sense."

"It does?" She regarded him, amused.

"Well, yah." He shrugged. "Razor gets to be the one that's responsible for the world. Jake's only responsible for normal things, the Salvage Yard, making schematics, loving me."

Pakitra chuckled and grinned. "I knew there was I reason I liked you."

"Besides my nice ass, you mean?" He twitched his tail and grinned at her, and just as grateful for the tension break.

"You're seriously okay with this? With Jake sleeping with me every so often?"

"No, I'm not." He sighed. "But I'm _less_ okay with the alternatives. You just proved that it's going to happen with or without my consent. I might as well agree to it and have a say of _some_ kind."

"You know, Patrik, you are frighteningly mature for seventeen."

"Comes with the territory." He shrugged, then ducked his head. "Can you tell me any of his fantasies?"

"Umm," she hesitated, scanning her memory. "Most of them aren't really appropriate right now, but if you're at _all_ comfortable topping, get him on hands and knees and mount him. Mouth the crook of his shoulder or neck if you can reach."

"You're serious."

"Yes," she smiled apologetically. "Something more your speed might be to coax him to giving you a blow job."

"You're joking." Patrik's eyes went wide.

"No, I'm not." She shook her head. "He's extremely fond of giving oral sex."

"Okay, I get the point." He shook his head. "What are you going to be doing?"

"Crashing with Erik." She stood and patted him on the shoulder. "Don't worry about me."

"I'd be even more of a jerk if I didn't ask."

She smiled and left with a low chuckle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Patrik fragged this plan. The kid's smart and understands give and take, you got to give him that much.


	10. Forgiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patrik proves he wasn't just talking acceptance.

This is so much like our first time it's eerie. And he's hurting about as much too.

Except for his arms, stretched over his head and bound there, and the smell of blood, it's almost exactly the same. How could he _want_ that?

Well, Patrik, time to find out if you can forgive him his needs in practice as well as words. Don't you dare fail.

First things first, off with the handcuffs. At least he's still asleep. I don't think I want that between us, at least not on him. Whatever he is to Pakitra, he's my top.

So many strikes, whip, claws, a bite ... at least they're all shallow, but ... gods, love, how could you _want_ that kind of thing? It's a criminal offense most places.

Patrik! It doesn't matter. He needs it. Pakitra gives it to him. You don't have to worry about it.

No, just see it. At least his fur is still soft and clean. She did clean him up well enough.

And I would if she hadn't.

Gods, Jake, why must this be necessary for you?

Still, "Jake?"

He's not going to wake up anytime soon.

At least it doesn't take much to roll him over and snuggle in next to him, even out cold.

Love, if you're that tired, stay asleep. I can hang out under the covers well enough.

It's not like you're hard on the eyes or hands. I wish you weren't so cold, but I still want to be here, where I belong.

* * *

"Pat?" Jake's groggy voice woke Patrik from a light doze.

"No, love." He murmured, kissing his mate softly. "Do you need her today?"

"Rik?" He pushed himself up on one elbow to stare at the black and white body next to his. "I ..."

"Shu, love." He silenced him with light fingers. "She already told me. Actually," he smiled ironically for a moment. "I already guessed, and if she'd given us time to get to my quarters, you would have heard that I accept your need to be with her on occasion."

Patrik paused at the bewildered look on his mate's face, but continued when he didn't say anything. "I don't like it, I can barely stand to think about what she just did to you, but I understand enough to accept that this is the least of the evils we have to choose from. Denying you your lifeline is not an option, leaving you is even less of one. All I'm asking, if you can honestly promise it, is to warn me ahead of time. Give me a week to prepare for it. Pakitra and I can both see when you need it, but give me enough respect, enough trust, to tell me when you need this. I won't deny you."

Jake swallowed hard and slid his free hand through Patrik's ruff. "After what I did to you today ..." He voice choked off.

"Jake," He stretched up for a firm kiss, running one hand down his mate's flank. "You scared the hell out of me, but it wasn't until then that I realized this was a _need_ , not some ... some kind of fling or something. That I understood just how much you suffered trying to protect my feelings."

"Oh," he shivered and pulled his mate closer. "I can promise you that much, to tell you when I need to be with her. Thank you."

"Love, will you do something for me, right now?" Patrik murmured, watching his mate's face carefully and hiding the intense pleasure at the amount of tension and grief that had evaporated so quickly because of his words.

"Anything I can." He hugged him tight. "Just tell me."

"It's a little fantasy of mine, something ... well, something I ... ah krud." Patrik hissed. "I got one of these today, but could ... would you suck me off with my hands bound back?" The words came out in a rush.

Patrik didn't miss the jump his mate's cock gave at the words, or the sudden increased breath. Or the raw desire and disbelief splashed across the face above him and smiled. "Please."

"Anything you desire," Jake murmured, trailing light kisses and caresses down the slender body under him, nearly ecstatic at the honest pleasure he gave without the insane need bounding in his mind. Just before touching the hard, pink flesh begging for attention he looked up. "How would you care to be bound?"

"Uh?" He took a second to make himself think. "Some sort of rope," he put his hands through the headboard slots, arching his body up. "Here."

"Yes, love." Jake pulled himself over his mate and kissed him before getting a strong, dark blue satin sash and loosely bound Patrik. "Is that good?"

After an experimental hard tug, he nodded. His eyes followed the dark cinnamon body, amazed that it could still be that limber and aroused with all the damage done to it.

Jake smiled softly as he knelt on the bed, a very predatory look crossing his body. "Pakitra is very good at what she does, there's little pain when it's over. Now, as for _you_ ," he grinned, pure predator. "Shall we find out what melted Patrik feels like?"

"Yessss," he managed to answer before Jake engulfed him to the root in a single motion, bringing his entire body taunt against the hands of his mate and the sash.

Patrik gasped and shuddered as Jake began to work his way up the barbed length, displaying an understanding of the act greater than his own. He gritted his teeth and forced himself to focus on the dark Kat going down on him with obvious enthusiasm with more than a touch of disbelief.

When Jake reached the tip and suckled it, lips, tongue and suction, Patrik collapsed back and sobbed his surrender with a jerk of his hips upwards towards that hot, devastatingly wonderful mouth.

A low chuckle was the only warning Patrik got before he was swallowed again, this time to meet flexing throat muscles and a deep chested purr that set his entire body on fire.

He was vaguely aware of some sound ripped from his throat as he lost control and felt his bard hairs catch on the rippling muscle around them as he emptied his balls.

He felt Jake lay alongside him and embraced him as he gasped for breath.

"I do okay?" Jake's voice came with several long licking kissing on his neck.

"Yah, oh, yah." Patrik purred, delighted at the warmth in both of them. "Want you want?"

"That was enough." He nipped lightly and settled on his side.

He twisted to face his mate, "I'd like you to cum."

A deep, content kiss greeted his concern as Patrik's hand was guided to feel his mate's softening cock, the tip still wet with cum. "I did, love."

"You got yourself off?"

Jake shook his head. "You did," he blushed under his fur. "I really do get off on that pretty effectively." A tender finger traced the lines of Patrik's face. "You're very pleasurable mate."

"I think we need to have a long talk about what we like." Patrik yawned wide.

"After we rest, love." Jake settled them into their preferred sleeping position, caressing him as the younger tom drifted off. "Thank you for everything."


	11. For Friend and Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ramma sets the stage for when Chance is ready to admit he's going to have to make the first move.

"Welcome, my dear." The dark, slender tomkat greeted his dark calico guest at the door up an upscale apartment.

"Nice to see you again, Jonathan." Ramma smiled and walked in, taking in the few changes made to the stylish main room. "You are predictable in some ways."

"But of course," he poured two glasses and offered her one before they sat on opposite ends of a deep cushioned leather couch. "It's a selling point. I understand you're finally going to let me pay off a few of my debts."

"Yes, and it's a matter I only trust you with." She took a sip and he shifted to a more attentive posture.

"Something very serious then."

"I'm very serious about my brother." Ramma growled. "And this is a major mess."

"Can't be anything I haven't see before." He chuckled. "You know I can put him right."

"I'm sure you can too. Here's the deal: his male partner kissed him, he liked it, he was disturbed, deeply, because he could not conceive of a way two toms could have sex and this is what he expects is now going to happen."

Jonathan looked at her silently for a long moment. "And how old he is?"

"Twenty-nine."

"And the idea of sex with a tom doesn't bother him except for the lack of knowledge." He pressed for clarification.

"Pretty much."

"Videos would probably help out, you know."

Ramma shook her head. "I tried that. He watched. I stood there in the room and watched him try to understand what he was looking at and failing. It was truly amazing. He's a very smart Kat, a top pilot and at least competent at everything he's tried his paw at until this."

"Amazing."

"The scary part is he's _trying_." She took a long drink. "I've watched him honestly try to understand the simple physics of what is supposed to happen and just _not_ getting it. He gets a hard on watching two toms, especially when a orange tabby and smaller cinnamon are on screen, but there's something blocking comprehension of what they're actually doing."

"You know he could just not want to." He offered another option. "Feigning incomprehension is not uncommon."

"I thought of that, but you'll just have to meet him." She set her half-full glass down and stretched. "I know this doesn't sound possible, but if you see him try, you'll understand what I'm talking about. He's not that good a liar."

"Okay, so what do you know about his current experience?"

"Fems only, I don't think that many of them, and judging from his response to seeing anal sex and blow-jobs _with_ a female, frighteningly vanilla. I didn't even bother with the bondage tapes." She chuckled. "I think I somehow got _all_ the curiosity in my family."

"Ah, but it has served you well." He smiled and toasted her. "So what can you tell me about the situation, and the tom I'm preparing him for?"

"Well," she picked her glass up and sipped. "The immediate situation is you're going to have to show Chance what male/ male sex _is_ , probably by doing it to him and having him do it. Subtlety is not likely going to be much of a virtue for him."

"Okay. Basic hands on anal, oral, rimming, stroking, rubbing and position lessons." He nodded easily.

"He's a _serious_ sub, bordering on slave. Does it to me a lot, and I've see the same pattern with Jake when they're together. It's a 24/7 mentality for the most part. Catch is, _he_ doesn't see it that way. _He_ thinks is a dom."

"Oh, fun." Jonathan shook his head. "With that, his 'just not getting it' actually makes more sense."

"Glad it does to you." She snorted. "Anyway. I don't know Jake all that well, but my impression of him is omnisextual, with a leaning towards toms and aggressively loyal/ single partner. A quiet dom that does more by manipulation than intimidation or force. He's short, lanky, cinnamon furred and has been Chance's gunner/ partner for about eight years," she offered him a photo of the pair at a family picnic. "And has had him under control at least most of that time. I know by the end of their first month Chance could barely conceive of disobeying him. He's brilliant, to put it mildly."

"Sounds like fun." He cocked his head. "But he could probably teach Chance at least as well. I still don't quite see my part in this."

"You're part in this is to teach Chance enough so he'll offer Jake a sexual relationship." Ramma growled, frustraited. "He's been so dense ... Jake's a decent enough Kat that if his kiss wasn't returned \-- which it wasn't -- he won't try again. I'm sure of it. Chance'll have to make the next move."

"You know, you're quite the debater when you're convinced of something." He smiled at her. "When can I expect him in?"

She sighed in frustration. "Knowing my brother, look for another six months. He's not quite convinced yet that Jake won't do something."

"You have an odd brother."

"I have an odd _family_." She shook her head. "One other thing. Teach him _anything_ he's willing to learn. I have a feeling Jake's open to just about everything _but_ a regular diet of vanilla."

"No problem."


	12. Cultural Expectations - Preparations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been six months and Jake's looking to make his attachment to Patrik official with some help from Pakitra.

"Com'n!" Pakitra called over her shoulder to the scratching on her door as she relaxed in her quarters in worn sweatpants, barechested.

"Hi, Pat." Jake smiled nervously as the door slid shut. "I've got a major favor to ask."

She instantly sat upright and lowered the book, her ears swept forward. "Shoot."

He winced but continued. "I don't really know how to cook MarrShark properly." He glanced down, "I mean, I know the steps, but ... I don't have a sister in blood to ask here. I ..."

"Of course I'll help." Pakitra grinned. "Good you finally decided to make it official."

"I'm _offering_ to make it official, Pat. It's his choice to accept or not." Jake glared at her. "Six months might have made him change his mind about the 'for life' bit."

She shrugged and headed for her bedroom to change into jeans and a T-shirt. "Like there's any doubt. It's all he's ever wanted."

"Well, not quite." He grinned a little sheepishly. "Youth's got a few other want's."

"Which you're not around enough to satisfy," Pakitra chuckled. "You've either got to move in with that kit or spend less time with him and get your sleep. Chance know anything?"

"No," he swallowed at her sharp look. "I'll tell him if he asks, but I'm not bringing this up."

"And the public wedding?" She grabbed a small spice rack and dropped it into her carry sack with some utensils. "Regardless of what this is to you, it's only an engagement to most."

"Is a long way off, Pat. You know I don't do public." Jake tapped the door-control and it slid open for them. They walked down the wide hall in silence until the door closed to his rarely used quarters.

"So? What are you going to do?" She picked up the conversation without a break and put her supplies on the kitchenette counter before inspecting his collection. "He's your _partner_ , damnit. He's supposed to be there. Hell, he's supposed to be _here_. Mmm, you had a good shopping list."

"Yah, I know. I'm just not really to face him with it yet." He paused, then chuckled. "Chance couldn't cook a sandwich, Pat. He'd be dangerous here."

"And they wonder why you're so skinny." She rolled her eyes and pulled out several small bags of fresh vegetables. "Clean and cut those. I'll work on the meat."

"Got nothing to do with it." Jake growled and grabbed a knife. "And I am not skinny."

"Sure it doesn't, you just weigh less than I do." She put a large bowl on the second counter and began to mix seasonings into the marinade.

"I do not, Rik weighs less than I do."

"He's also three inches shorter, and not finished growing. _He_ looks slender, _you_ look skinny."

Jake pushed the pile of sliced carrots out of his way and started on the potatoes with a growl.

"Fine, fine." Pakitra waved the argument off. "Now what does all this stuff mean? It's different from what you made for me."

"'Cause this is for my Mate, yours was for a Equal-Lover."

"Difference?"

"I'm expected to support my Mate, and remain faithful unless he permits otherwise." Jake paused, staring at the chopping block.

"Still doesn't understand, does he?" She brought him around to face her with a hand on his shoulder.

"No. He's trying, he'll get it in time." Jake buried his muzzle in her hair in the crook of her neck and pulled her tight.

"Then why this now?" She rubbed his back gently. "He's not pressuring you?

A deep breath and his voice echoed under her ear. "No, he'll probably be floored at it. This is because I need the little security given by commitment more than I need a second lover right now."

She pulled away a little to look him in the face. "If you need commitment, come back to my bed. This Kat loves you to the core, don't do this to him if you don't feel as much."

"That's the thing, Pat." He pulled her forward into a deep kiss. "I _do_ love him that much. I'd be doing this soon regardless, I ..."

She smiled sadly. "Need to possess him, know you're the only one for him, something you can't have with me. I wonder if we're ever going to have it go smoothly?"

"It wouldn't be us then, would it." He managed a weak smile back. "The shark."


	13. Cultural Expectations - The Meaning of a Meal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patrik receives a note from Jake, and almost can't wait to see what it's all about.

Patrik picked up a neatly folded goldleaf note from his bed when he got off duty and read it curiously. Written in Jake's best hand was,

Patrik Celest,   
If it suits you, please come to my quarters at twenty hundred for a special meal.   
Jake Imiri Clawson

"Special meal?" He regarded the words for a while. "Wh ... oh ... Oh!"

He carefully folded the note and placed it on his bedstand with shaking hands. "Gotta dress right. Thank you Pakitra, for all your tips."

* * *

Patrik stood outside Jake's door for several moments trying to calm the butterflies in his stomach before chiming.

Jake stood in the door as it whooshed open, the warm tans and creams of his clothes almost glowing in the candlelight. "You're beautiful." He smiled, desire flickering to life in golden eyes.

"You look incredible." Patrik's eyes stayed wide as he walked in, the door slid shut and he took in the transformed quarters. Candles and glowing crystals provided the only light, but it was enough to see how artfully the appliances were concealed and the steaming meal laid out on the simply but elegantly appointed table.

"Thank you love." Jake brought him to face with a light touch. "Patrik Celest, I have asked you to share this meal with me as proof that I can be a good mate and provider. That I am willing to face danger for you, and to ask for help when I need it to provide all you need or want. Pakitra Dyne," he paused to nod at the white shekat Patrik only then managed to notice near the door. "Assisted me and stands by me in my offer to Bond with you as LifeMates."

Patrik held his breath, absently recognizing it wasn't over yet. The golden eyes locked with his blue had turned nearly amber with conflicting emotions.

"Eat this meal with me, and I will hold no other above you. I will protect, provide, and please you as best I can. I will seek neither pleasure nor Bond with any other without your consent." Jake drew a deep breath and blinked before continuing the ancient ceremony. "In return, I expect you to see to my needs, and seek neither pleasure nor Bond with another without my consent. If you do not wish to LifeBond with me, I hold nothing against you. It would still please me to be your lover, and I will stand by you if you have found another you desire."

Jake took a moment to calm his frantic heart before turning to pick something small and glittering up from the middle of the table and faced Patrik again.

"Will you join me for this meal and our lives, my love?" He almost kept the trembling from his voice.

"Yes, gratefully." Patrik finally exhaled, and brought one hand up to trace Jake's lips. "I have always desired a LifeBond with you."

Jake flicked the tip of his tongue over one stray finger. "Will you wear this ring?" He opened one hand to reveal an intricately designed three-part earring. "So all may know who you are and who you love?"

"Yes, but ... it's not always my choice." Patrik couldn't help but flick a glance at Pakitra, standing silent and still as a statue.

"I understand, and I must ask the same forgiveness." Jake caressed Patrik's left ear. "Razor can not afford such an identifiable mark, and there are times Jake can't either."

"I understand and accept." Patrik drew a deep breath, "I offer all I have, all I am ..."

"No," Jake's whisper cut him off with gentle fingers. "Please do not offer when I can not give."

Patrik nodded sadly. "What you offer is enough, and I give it in return."

"What you give is enough, and I can and do return it." Jake released a held breath. "Kneel, love." He waited for the longfur to comply. "Do you trust me with your body?"

"Yes, always." Patrik breathed as he heard Pakitra come up behind him as Jake knelt in front.

"This will hurt, but there is no other way." Jake ran his fingers along the outer edge of Patrik's left ear, memorizing where each nick and blood vessel in the velvety surface was. "You _must_ hold still."

"I understand," the young tom willed himself to relax and accept what was coming.

"Three holes, three foundations of our lives." Jake's voice leveled into story-telling mode. "First," he flexed one claw to pierce Patrik's ear near the base and smiled when his mate didn't even flinch. "Is the blood we spill in bringing new life to this world. Second," another slice opened the thin black ear and drew a low whimper as a bright red bead formed. "Is the blood we share as a family. By birth or sex, our blood is one. Third," Jake paused for his LifeMate to relax before opening the third hole. "Is the duty we have to our blood. For what aids my blood, aids myself."

Patrik slumped a little as Pakitra closed a cool, wet towel around his ear, urging the blood to congeal and the pain to abate.

"I'm sorry, but it must be done with claws." Jake kissed Patrik's forehead. "I follow few traditions, but I ... I couldn't stand the thought ..."

"Jake, LifeMate, " Patrik moved slowly to keep from pulling his ear from Pakitra's care. "It's okay, I do kind of understand." He tried not to twitch as she began spearing something slick and cold along his ear. "Symbols of commitment."

"Thank you," he lowed his muzzle to meet Patrik's in a leisurely exploration.

"Ah-hem," Pakitra caught their attention, her eyes glittering with approval. "The 'rings?"

"Yes, right." Jake planted a final quick kiss before sitting upright and offered a closed hand with slowly uncurled shaking fingers to reveal an earring similar to the first one still laying at Patrik's side. "Met lin ta Ka su. Et Ki mar Kie taur i cam."

Patrik carefully picked up the intricate piece of metal and stone, never taking his eyes from the growing fear in the pair across from him. "Jake ... are you sure about this?"

"I'm sure," he nodded minutely. "I want to be your LifeMate. I want _this_."

He nodded and recited the words Pakitra had spend hours teaching him as he carefully set the plate of the 'ring along the lower two slits and the amethyst linked by a thin chain in the upper one. "Et Ka mar Ka destin Ki shar't'eah. I love you, I would have you no other way." He smiled when Jake relaxed a bit. "Trust may not come easy for you, but I will prove I'm worthy of it."

"You _are_ worthy, Patrik." He lowered his eyes. "You have nothing to prove, I just don't have that in me anymore."

He sighed and picked up his much simpler earring, offering it in an open palm. "Met lin ta Ka su. Et Ki mar Kie taur i cam."

"Et Ka mar Ka destin Ki shar't'eah." Jake whispered, shaking as he skillfully set each stud in its proper place and withdrew to face his LifeMate. "I make no claim at being perfect, but on my blood's honor I will do what is right by you, Patrik Celest Kur Clawson."

"It is more than I ask for," he paused at the soft whoosh of the door opening, then closing.

"Pakitra has witnessed what she needed to." Jake twisted to his feet and offered him a hand up. "As much as she'd enjoy watching, the rest of tonight is only for us."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Met lin ta Ka su. Et Ki mar Ki taur i cam." = "This holds all I am. By your will you give it back."  
> "Et Ka mar Ka destin Ki shar't'eah." = "By my will I desire you whole and strong."


	14. Cultural Expectations - Pleasure's Proof

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner over, Jake offers the final bit of proof that he can be a good Mate.

"You cook a fine meal, with or without Pat's help." Patrik looked up, remembering that sex came next, but not quite sure how it was supposed to start.

"Thank you, Rik." Jake smiled as he stood and offered is hand, still disturbingly serious. "Will you join me in bed, that I can show you what kind of lover I can be?"

"Of course." Patrik stood and immediately appreciated the choice of dinner. Enough to quell hunger pains and taste good, but not heavy enough to discourage even energetic sex. Just a pleasant warmth and lack of concerns as Jake lead them to the bed and turned.

"Patrik Celest, you mean the world to me." He tipped the younger Kat's nose up for a tender, chaste kiss while scratching his thick cheek ruff. "Tonight is for you, let me show you the pleasure I can give."

"Considering what you do when you're being selfish," he stretched the inch to claim another kiss and smiled teasingly. "I'm going to be lucky to survive tonight."

"You'll survive," Jake let his hand wonder inside Patrik's azure wrap-around shirt, expertly finding the small rings attached to his nipples. "What kind of Mate would I be if you didn't?"

Patrik squeezed his eyes shut, determined to last at least until they were both undressed and panted through quickening breaths. "The extremely skilled, ruthless kind."

"You think I'm ruthless?" Jake left his hands where they were as he slid to his knee, his warm breath ghosting over trembling and twitching muscle.

"Yes, my Mate." He gave up and dropped his head back, groaning. "Very ruthless."

Jake smiled and rubbed his cheek against the cloth-encased erection begging for his attention, enticing a near-sob from above. "You really are quite wound up, love." His voice dropped to a smooth croon. "I'll have to see you relax a little before you can appreciate my offering. Tonight is not meant to be rushed."

He slid a little further down and tipped his head to bring sharp teeth along each side of the hard flesh and inched his way up, careful not to hurt while keeping enough pressure to entice.

"Jake!" The desperate demand mixed with his name was enforced by desperate fingers entwined in his hair.

"Yes, love?" He looked up into wild blue eyes.

"Strip," came out with a gasp. "W'n't'be naked 'fore cum."

Jake paused, regarding the trembling double need in his mate before standing with a nod and gracefully disrobed. "Please let me undress you."

Patrik let his hands fall from the tie of his shirt and watched the display of aroused cinnamon fur that was taking his time doing as promised.

"Shu, Rik," Jake crooned as the shirt's knot was undone and the blue cloth slid down his shoulders to pool on the floor. "I will do whatever you desire of me tonight."

"Anything?" He managed to ask as gentle hands undid his belt.

"Anything." He confirmed as he slid the pants to the floor, leaving his Mate naked.

"Then I want the pleasures you _don't_ give me." He placed an open hand on Jake's chest and pushed slightly, towards the bed.

Jake easily complied, walking backwards until he sat on the edge of the bed, his nose inches from the arched, hard cock he wanted to mouth so badly it hurt, waiting to be told what to do and accepting the odd sensation of taking orders from Patrik.

He leaned forward, claimed Jake's mouth and pushed the willing tom further back as their bodies aligned. "I want to on your hands and knees." He stood, not quite sure what to make of the pleased disbelief that crossed Jake's face as he complied.

He took a long moment to simply appreciate the lean, muscled body that nearly gleamed with the better care it had received recently. Kneeling on the bed against his Mate's side and whispered. "Tell me to stop, tell me no if you want or need to. I will stop. But do _not_ pull away from me. All right?"

Jake groaned deep in his chest and nodded vigorously into his pillow. "Understood."

He ran hands along the lightly trembling body before him and settled between his spread knees to kneed Jake's hard ass as his Mate gave up all pretense of being quiet. "Comfortable?"

"Yes," came out with a rush of air.

"Good, just try and stay still." Patrik instructed as he caught Jake's tail and held it down, against his leg. For the first time in ten months, he lowered his head and breathed hotly over the tight pucker of his Mate's ass. This time, he was ready for the sharp jerk he gave and countered it without comment.

With his legs tucked under Jake's body he leisurely drew the slick back of his tongue over that pucker, reveling as it spasmed under his touch and willed his Mate to at least tolerate it if he couldn't enjoy it.

He felt Jake tense too much, his breathing shifting to the deep, heavy breaths of control and backed off a bit. "Love, please relax."

"Trying to," ground out between clenched teeth. "Sorry."

"It's okay." Patrik knew his voice betrayed his disappointment as he pulled himself up along side his Mate and touched him, urging him to roll to his side. "One of these days well get the talking out of the way."

"I _am_ sorry," Jake brought one hand along Patrik's jaw. "I can hold still for it, I can't relax enough to enjoy it."

"Would you do it, to me?" Patrik instantly regretted asking at the sick panic that took up residence on Jake's face before he quelled it.

He swallowed hard. "I ... will try."

Patrik put his hand over his Mate's and shook his head. "No, getting's like receiving, it's not much fun without both of you _there_."

Jake looked down, "I'm sorry."

"Is it just the rimming, or is it more about not being a bottom?"

He stared at Patrik for a long moment, considering. "It's just the rimming. I like being bottom sometimes."

"Really?" He flicked his ears up, curious.

"Rik, I like just about _everything_ to some extent." He let his hand wonder along the slender body next to him. "You just happen to have a fascination with one of about four things that seriously grosses me out."

"What are the other three?" He managed to ask seriously.

"Scat, Watersports and ... I'm blanking on the name but drinking the fluid from an enema."

"Okay, I'm done for a while." Patrik twisted and curled around his stomach. "That is seriously gross."

"Well, yah." Jake shifted to bring Patrik into his lap and stroked the young toms shoulder. "You know, we suck at getting though an important romantic moment without one of these talks."

He relaxed a little. "Reminds me of moms a lot, the always having a major talk whenever something important was happening."

"Regardless," Jake sighed. "I'm not doing a very good job ..."

"I'm the one that insisted on doing something I _know_ you don't tolerate well." Patrik stopped him, looking up. "Jake, does indulging fantasies _just_ have to be for special times, like this?"

"Course not." He stroked Patrik's face. "I'll indulge you anytime you want. You just gotta tell me what you want."

"And what of your fantasies?" He pursued the topic again.

Jake sighed, "you want the entire list or just what you're likely to be willingly involved in?"

H rolled on his back with his head still in Jake lap. "Tell them all. You don't know everything I'm willing to do."

"No, but I know a few things you definitely aren't happy with." He leaned down and kissed him, close-mouthed, before leaning back against the headboard. "Most of them involve being controlled, dominated, by someone I trust enough. Pat tends to take the brunt of that list."

"But what are they?"

"Rik, those aren't ... appropriate between us." Jake tried to sooth him.

"Why? Don't you trust me enough?"

"Umm, on a very basic level, no." He whispered. "I don't trust you to be capable of _forcing_ me to submit. You've seen what Pat has to do sometimes. You're not that strong, and you don't know how to fight that well. And I can't take the thought of seriously hurting you."

"I wasn't talking about your need."

"I wasn't either, but I can't make myself simply submit, even for a fantasy." Jake brushed a stray hair from his Mate's face. "The same rules are in effect and I don't want that violence between us."

"Oh," he murmured. "Well, what are the ones you'd trust me being a part of? Please."

Jake sighed and closed his eyes, searching for _something_ to tell the insistent creature in his lap to make him happy. When he turned one up, he nearly cried at the memories it brought but the words flowed easily enough. "After a long day, when I'm taking a hot shower, you slip in with me, take my hands and put them on the wall and whisper for me to stay. You take your time cleaning me, giving each sore, tense muscle and matted clump of fur the attention needed to smooth it. As you come up from my feet you press you body again my back, you're hard between my ass cheeks, the barb hairs teasing my ass and wet fur as you move every so slightly.

"Your voice is low, seductive when you ask if I want it. I'm past speech; relaxed and aroused but I manage to nod. I can feel your smile as you nip my shoulder and tell me you're not done yet, that I'll have to wait for that pleasure and your cock slips away from me to be replaced by you hand.

"You only slide your finders from my balls to my tail at first, caressing until I relax again, accepting that I must wait. Then you begin to open me up, preparing me much more than necessary as you kiss and nip my back and shoulders. I'm trembling by time you're finished, when you withdraw you fingers and step back, telling me to turn around and brace against the wall again.

"It's hard, but I manage, my arms stretched behind me as you survey my front, considering it as you consider a new obstacle course layout, judging the best way to deal with it; covering everything with minimal effort. I can't help but groan to have that possessive, calculating gaze turned on me.

"When you move forward again, you're just as thorough as you were on my back, but you take time to suckle my nipples, my throat, to caress the tendons in my wrists until my trembling threatens to bring me to my knees. Then you move down, skipping my aching cock to clean my legs, stroking the back of my thighs and gently rubbing my anckles as I calm down enough for your tastes.

"When you stand up, you make quick work of cleaning my sheath and straining flesh, careful not to let me cum. When you're satisfied with your work you claim my mouth and bring one arm around the small of my back, pressing your entire body against mine. You can feel my whimpered groan more than hear it when your hand slides down and your finger enters my ass again, this time seeking my prostate. You keep the pressure against it very light as you move your hips away, giving your hand room to slid between us and grip me, stroking me in a counter-rhythm to your finger.

"I don't last long, as we both expected, and you're prepared when I cum hard and my legs start to buckle, though you never release my mouth until I've finished and you support us both on the way down to the floor.

"When I can breath again you kiss me softly and ask how you're supposed to get off, in my ass or in my mouth. As tempting as both are, I ask you to choose. You're expression turns analytical again, I swear I can feel myself getting hard, then you ask me if I can brace on my knees, against the wall. When I nod yes, you guide me to the exact position you want and move my tail to the side.

"I try to help but fine motor control isn't exactly with me yet as you push in with a single thrust, bringing your entire body against mine as you move in and out, you hands on my nipples and fondling my balls and sheath. I'm tight enough despite your preparations to feel every barb hair and shift in position; I don't do this much.

"I cry out in pleasure as you close your jaw on my scruff and move your hands to my hips, holding me still and you thrust harder, picking up the pace as your own orgasm grows close. The growl you give when you finally accept your release plays down my spine, touching my ass and balls as you finally still, breathing hard against my neck.

"Neither of us move for a long time as the hot water cascades around us, finally you push back and slide out of me, soft and retreating into your sheath. You keep one hand on my shoulder, holding me where I am as you clean yourself off. You kiss my neck before you step out, leaving me to the warmth of the water and my time to accept.

"I manage to join you before you've dried off, but I don't have the words to tell you what I feel."

"It doesn't matter, I know." Patrik smiled up, half pleased to understand what he was told so well and squirmed out his Mate's lap. "Come lie down, you have intense fantasies, my love."

Jake nodded and complied, too drained to do more.


	15. Knowledge Before Admittance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ramma gives Chance the best advice she can, and sets him up with a teacher for M/M sex and courting tips.

"Hi, sis." Chance greeted her distractedly in the Yard itself. He'd shut down for the night, and Jake was out with friends.

"Get in," she unlocked the passenger side door to her dark green SUV.

"How'd ..."

"I _know_ you, bro." She smiled apologetically at him and pulled back on the road. "We were ready."

"So who is this ... guy?"

"Jonathan ShadowKat, he's a professional sex therapist and educator."

"Fancy way of saying prostitute?"

"With three degrees and a medical license." She chuckled. "You really think I'd trust a prostitute with your future?"

He squirmed a little, "not really. But ... well what else do you call someone who has sex for money?"

Ramma rolled her eyes. "Chance, this is _another_ thing to go on that list of stuff you just never got exposed to. When you get to a certain income level, it becomes fashionable to have a professional, with degrees and licenses and all, to 'counsel' you on your sex life and give you insider tips for five hundred an hour."

"That's weird."

"Yah, but they're cool people." She smiled at her memories. "And much fun to party with."

"Uh, sis?" He hesitated. "Who's paying him?"

"This is for favors owed, bro." She grinned. "Jonathan's quite happy to level part of the board, and I've got nothing better to call him on for it."

"He'll still owe you?"

"Yap," she nodded. "He's racked up quite a debit to me over the last ten years." She glanced at him, "and no, you don't want to know over what."

"How long will this take?" Chance looked out over the increasingly expensive homes, still deep in the city and tried not to fidget.

"Well, each session is three hours and you keep going until you're comfortable enough to approach Jake about it or Jonathan does something so you can't trust him any more."

"Oh." Chance took a good look at the building she stopped in front of. Well lit, well kept, and it's red brick facade was still unpainted. A place he'd never even dared dream of being in, much less owning.

"Come on, I'll introduce you to him." She got out of the car. "If he creeps you out, we leave and find another way."

"Okay," he followed her up the flagstone steps into the main foyer and further inside the simply elegant home to the second floor.

"Welcome, Chance, Ramma." A slender, handsomely beautiful black tomkat greeted them before she could knock on the level's main door. "Please come in."

She took one look at Chance's slightly flushed face and shook her head. "No, I'm just showing him up." She patted her brother on the arm. "Have fun, I'll be back to pick you up."

"Okay." He didn't move, just continued to stare at his teacher with his jaw slightly open.

"I'm Jonathan ShadowKat." He touched the tabby's arm and turned into the room with a smile, encuraging him follow. "Please come in."

He nodded slightly and closed the door behind him, watching intently as Jonathan poured two drinks and motioned him to join him on a deep leather couch.

He offered Chance one simple glass, leaned back and smiled at the bemused tom. "I suppose the best place to start is what you want out of this."

He blinked, and took a moment to find an answer for that and ended up appropriating his sister's words. "I want to be a good mate for my partner."

"Anything else?"

Chance stared at him, confused. "What doesn't that cover?"

Jonathan smiled apologetically. "I meant, did you have anything specific in mind?"

Chance shook his head. "Not really. Maybe later I will."

"All right," Jonathan nodded easily. "How do you want to start?"

"What are the options?" Chance countered instantly.

"There are videos, diagrams, I can explain it, or demonstrate with my mate ..."

"How 'bout just teaching me." He growled, then backed off. "Mate?"

"Yes, I have two mates." Jonathan cleared his throat. "They're quite okay with this."

Chance regarded him dubiously.

"It _is_ part of my job, Chance." He set on hand on his arm. "I was serious about Mike helping out."

He nodded reluctantly, trusting his sister's judgment more than the tom himself. "I'd rather just get started. Ramma trusts you to teach me what I need to know," he shrugged. "Start wherever you think's best."

"Then tell me about your Jake." Jonathan requested. "What is he likely to like?"

"You're asking _me_?"

"Just tell me about him, about what your existing relationship is like." He continued easily.

"Umm, you saw a picture of him?" Chance paused as he nodded. "Well, he's really creative and smart, a good gunner unless he's having an identity crisis. He really loves monster movies and likes David Litterbin and wishes I didn't like Scardy Kat so much. He doesn't understand how I can separate the 'awesome pilot' from the 'evil Kat' in my heroes."

"Who's that?"

"The Red Lynx." Chance smiled nostalgically. "He may have been a sick, evil bastard, but he was the best pilot of his generation, and one of the best pilots ever."

"Didn't he come back as a ghost or something?" Jonathan leaned forwarded slightly.

"Yah, it was incredible to see." He grinned. "But back to Jake. I guess the best description I can think of for our relationship is competitive. But when it comes to something needing to get done, he makes the plan most of the time."

"Why?"

"'Cause he's smarter than I am in that kind of thing." Chance shrugged. "It's a Gunner/ Pilot thing."

"I'm afraid I don't understand. You're the first combat pilot I've met."

Chance quirked an eyebrow but explained. "See, the back seater, the Gunner, has most of the sensors and weapons controls. They know where the target is, how to get there and what to shoot at it with. Pilot steers the plane and keeps it from getting hit. But to take anyone down, the Pilot _has_ to obey their Gunner instantly, even when it will put the jet in danger."

"How far do you trust him in that contest? As your Gunner."

"I've held a jet steady to take a critical hit I could have avoided easily because he told me to stay put." Chance cocked his head, thoughtful. "I guess you could say I'd willingly die on his word. We shouldn't have survived that one. I sure as hell didn't expect to when the missile was incoming or right after it hit."

"That's pretty serious." Jonathan murmured, slightly stunned.

"It's part of the job," he shrugged. "Every Enforcer pilot does it."

"Still, that's a lot to invest into someone."

He just shrugged again, it was all he could think of in the face of someone who so obviously didn't understand what combat teams _had_ to be.

"Is there anything you don't trust him with?" Jonathan's voice was low, carefully neutral.

"Uhhh ..." He went silent to think. "I don't particularly trust him with picking movies to watch, but I can't think of anything I _wouldn't_ accept his word on."

"Would you let him cut you?"

"What?"

"He has a knife, he asks to cut you, would you let him?"

"Depends ..." Chance glared at him suspiciously.

He signed softly, "okay. You're in bed with him and you're tied down. He tells you bloodsport turns him on -- that involves him cutting you so you bleed. Would you let him?"

He sat still and stared at the slender black Kat across from him and tried to envision this scenario with marginal success. "Probably." He eventually answered. "He wouldn't hurt me too badly to work. Might not let him twice, though. What does this have to do with anything?"

"I need a good gage of the level of trust you have of him, and your attitude on it."

"Oh," he murmured. "So do you?"

"Yes," Jonathan nodded, still a little stunned. "Do you have any questions of me?"

Chance nodded. "When are we going to get to the physical?"

"Now if you want."

"I want."


	16. Of Need and Love Recognized

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patrik offers to let Pakitra and Jake become Mates, with some conditions.

"Jake?" Patrik kissed his ear early in the morning. "You up for a talk?"

"Huummm?" He rolled up on his elbows, not completely with it. "I'm up ..." and caught a look at the clock and dropped back down. "I do _not_ want to know why you're conscious at 3 am, love. I really don't."

"'Bout you and Pat." He kept his voice even.

Jake blinked as twenty years of training kicked in hard to bring his mind and body completely out of it's rest mode. "Okay, I'm _up_." He leaned against the wall, the blanket partially draped over his legs.

"You trust me enough not to edit for my benefit?" Patrik settled on his side to watch his Mate.

"Yes," Jake's voice was low, but sure.

"Relationship wise, what would be everything you want?" He asked. "What you dream about, plausible or not."

"You're serious." Jake stared for a long moment, then closed his eyes and dropped his head back. "Right now, I would have three Mates; you, Pat and Chance, and you'd love each other as well as me."

Patrik shifted, kneading his muzzle and focused on the pillow below him. "So if Pat becomes your Mate, then she would be mine as well?"

"That would be between the two of you, but yes, it's what I dream about." He confirmed with a soft hand on his Mate's shoulder. "Rik, what we have works well enough ..."

"Yes," he nodded, looking up. "But you hate to ask, and ... and the more I think about it, the more I think I'd enjoy her sharing my bed and ours and seeing you without the stress of asking for what you need." He looked down again. "But I don't know if I can do it in reality. Sharing you like this is rough. This could be worse, or a lot better."

Jake took a moment to force his ecstatic mind to the issue at hand and pull his willing Mate into his arms. "Rik, if you're willing to try, we can offer her lover status. If it works well for all of us, it can be something more."

"Which means?" Patrik asked from against Jake's chest.

"It means that we have no commitment beyond each night we choose to be together." Jake nuzzled him. "I'll tell you now I have no problem with you being with her when I'm not around." He smiled, "or here to watch. If any one of us has a problem, for one night or forever, it goes back as before."

"Is it really that easy?" Patrik asked dubiously.

"For Pat and me it is." Jake kissed him softly. "We do it all the time, and she's made something of a lifestyle of it. It's _all_ based on communication."

"So she'll have other lovers still?" He asked, unsure.

"We can ask her not to, but lovers rarely put that kind of restrictions on each other."

"But this is hardly a normal situation."

"No, it's not." Jake chuckled. "No it's not." He turned serious, "but to make this work, you have to trust both of us to say what we want and need, and you _have_ to give us the same."

Patrik couldn't suppress a chuckle. "That's your problem more than mine."

"Seriously, Rik," Jake brought them nose to nose. "If you're feeling left out or _anything_ , you have to say so. And say it right then so we can work it out before it's a problem, no matter what we're doing."

He nodded easily, "now when to ask her."

Jake glanced up at the clock. "Well, she'll skin us both if it's in the next two hours," he slid one hand down Patrik's back to kneed his ass. "So we'll have to find _something_ to do till then."

"Mmm, I think I can live with that."

* * *

"In'a'min't!" Pakitra called she rinsed her hair and hurried her morning routine. Jake handed her a steaming mug of cream'n'coco when she emerged into the main room to face the two toms; Jake barely controlling his excitement, Patrik slightly more subdued and a lot more worried. "What's'up?"

Jake nodded at his Mate and the younger tom swallowed and stood to face her.

"Pakitra, if you are interested, we would like to change the ... dynamic between us." He paused before plunging on when she didn't object outright. "We're all as aware as we want to be of what is between you and Jake, desired and permitted. Since Jake committed to me as Mate, I've found it easier to think about sharing, and what would make me happier to have it."

She flicked a glance at Jake, confirming what she suspected this was getting to and waited for Patrik to get it out in his own time.

"If you're interested it trying to make a triad work with us," he hesitated at her quick, confirming nod. "I need to take it in steps, lovers first, then Mates. And I need you to only be with us for now."

"Okay, have a seat." She motioned to the small kitchen table. "Serious talk time." She flicked her ears back at Jake's groan as they settled and took over the conversation. "Patrik, you would have me as a lover, possibly a Mate?"

He nodded easily.

"Up front, I don't do monogamy, polymonogamy for that matter, well. As much as Jake needs a Master, I need lovers, male and _female_." She paused to let that sink in. "I don't have a problem giving them up for a while, but I need you to understand, truly _comprehend_ , that in the long run, for me to be happy, I need sex outside our relationship."

Patrik took a deep breath, "okay. I ... understand that. You're a couple steps ahead of me. I'm still working on the part where it's just the three of us."

"Okay," Pakitra nodded. "What do you see, optimally, between the three of us, and what do you see as the blocks to that?"

"Umm," he glanced a little hopelessly at his Mate and settled his chin on his hands. "Well," he dropped his eyes. "That Pat and I manage a connection as strong as you and she have, that there won't be any jealousy on my part because I'm as much the one with two Mates as you."

"And if that doesn't work?" Pakitra asked gently. "I'd love it, but we might not."

He looked directly at Jake. "I'm going to need a _lot_ of very personal, very intensive attention from you." He glanced down. "Probably more than you can give on our current schedule."

"Rik," Pakitra caught his attention. "If we try to be mates, and you realize it won't work, how is this going to end peacefully?"

He stared at her for a long moment before shaking his head. "I have no idea," and looked up between the older Kats. "Found any guidelines that work?"

"Communication, lots of it." Pakitra nodded.

"Even when it hurts, even when you know it's that last thing they want to hear. Even if we're no longer a triad, I still need Pat _and_ you. We need to remain friends at the very least." Jake added softly. "Rik, you can't do this just for me. If it is going to have a _prayer_ of succeeding you have to feel _something_ romantic towards Pat on your own."

"That's the thing," he glared at his Mate. "I do. I haven't a bloody _clue_ when it developed, but it's there."

"Okay," Pakitra took control back and looked directly at Patrik. "So the ground rules are ...?"

He glanced at his Mate before focusing on her. "The first time is with me, alone." Jake got a quick smile. "He can watch, but if _we're_ to be mates, I want to see if I actually like it before we get any further." He paused as she nodded agreement. "When you need to do the Dom/Sub thing, just don't do it when I'm around. I understand there's a need, I accept Jake needs it, but it still makes me sick to think about it. I _don't_ want to watch it."

"Rik ..." Jake's voice was soft.

He focused completely on the other tom. "I _am_ okay with you doing what you need to. Just don't make me _see_ it happen, okay? Just like you are now. It hurts to see you hurt like that, even willingly, even for a greater good."

"All right, Rik." He nodded.

Patrik caught his Mate's eyes and bit his upper lip. "I need to know that I'm still going to be in your life, your Mate no matter how this goes down. I'm probably going to be even more demanding on your time and attentions than I am now." He looked down. "It's not exactly right of me, but I get the feeling that you and Pat will be together no matter what happens, that I'm the expendable one." He held up a hand and glared at Jake before he could say anything. "I _know_ what you feel for me, I _know_ it's as permanent as anything is. _Believing_ it, especially when you _need_ someone else, is something else."

"I'll give you anything you need." Jake's statement was half way between promise and a simple truth.

"As will I," Pakitra cupped her hand over his. "I know what it feels like to be the 'third Kat' coming into an established pairing." She elaborated at his curious look. "You know I had a Mate for four years?" She continued at his nod. "Well, that was a triad, and Tamera and Johnny had been together for three years before I joined them. We're still friends even though it's over, though saving the friendship was a very tough experience."

He swallowed and nodded. "So what are your ground rules?"

"If you want something, that goes for all three of us, you have to tell us. Time alone, time with just one of us, more time with all three of us, something special in bed, to have someone listen while you vent ... whatever it is, you have to bring it up. Same goes if something bugging you. The _only_ way to make a triad work is lots and lots of intense communication."

"It's obnoxious, but it is necessary." Jake added.

"I agree to your condition that I have no other lovers for _one_ year. After that, if you need me to remain monogamous, we need to negotiate something out. I'm will not be happy to be without them longer than that."

"Okay, one year's pretty long." He nodded acceptance.

She nodded. "I like my kink. Not the kind I do with Jake to settle him so much as basic bondage and Master/ Slave games without violence. I like variety. The only things I've encountered that I've definitely _not_ willing to try again are watersports, scat, and fletching. Nocro and snuff is not going to be all that welcomed either. Orgies are fun and I'll try anything once that doesn't involve prison term here."

"Pat, I don't know what some of those things are and I'm sure I don't want to know." Patrik grimaced. "You are _way_ past me in the kink department."

"So what are your limits?"

"If it hurts, or is a notable heath hazard, I'm going to take serious convincing." He offered. "I really haven't explored specifics enough to tell you more than that. I like light bondage, handcuffs or a sash through the headboard type thing. I don't mind role playing sometimes, but I've got a real problem with humiliation as a sexual activity."

"What's humiliating to you?" Jake asked.

"Huurr?"

"You're list is different than mine." He explained. "I'm sure you find what Pat does to get me to completely sub 'humiliating'. I don't. It's necessary, and on a level, it feels good to have her take responsibility for even getting me in the right mood."

"I don't want to accidentally cross a line with you, especially as Jake and I have so few things we won't do with each other." Pakitra spoke up. "It's important we understand what _You_ don't want, and don't want to see."

"Okay," he shook his head a little dejectedly. "But I don't really _know_ where most of my lines are. And I _do_ know that they change with the circumstances."

"Like ..."

"Like I have no problem with Jake tying me up and doing whatever he wants, I'm pretty sure I don't have a problem with you doing that to me. But I don't like even thinking about him being tied. Just seeing him with the cuffs on that one time was really disturbing." He paused to settle his breathing. "And topping. Topping Jake was a very bazaar experience I'm not particularly interested in repeating anytime soon and I'm not interested in watching it either, but at least in my mind, I have no problem topping you."

"Would you bottom to me?" Pakitra asked, curious.

"Sure," he shrugged. "Oh, and I like rimming, give and receive."

"I noticed," Jake muttered dryly. "Sometimes I think I'm the only one on the planet that doesn't."

"You don't like to see your dom sub." Pakitra offered.

He thought about it for a moment before nodding. "I guess so."

Jake glanced at Pakitra, "that could be a problem."

"Why?" Patrik looked between them.

"Because she _is_ my dom. Hell, she's my Mistress more often than not." Jake dropped his chin to his folded hands. "To pretend that we're not ... I don't know if I can. Just like being dominant with you comes natural, so does being at least a little submissive to her. It's strong enough that you noticed it in our day to day interactions. It's much stronger in bed."

Patrik regarded his Mate for a long time before trying to explain. "That's not what I have a problem with. It's seeing you _physically_ bottom or hurt. If you want to do that, please take it somewhere I'm not."

They exchanged curious glances before Pakitra nodded. "That we will do."

"Anything else you can think of?" Jake requested.

Patrik shook his head. "The best I can offer is to tell you when we hit something I don't like."

"Same deal I've got with her." Jake nodded at Pakitra.

"Okay, Jake. You're turn." She grinned as he groaned.

"I'll need time with each of you independently, as well as time for all three of us to maintain my knowledge that if something happened to one of you, my relationship with the other has something to it." He curled his fingers around his muzzle and closed his eyes. "Pat, I need you to understand he's _mine_ first." He waited for her affirmative noise. "Rik, I need you to understand that no matter how much I love you, I _trust_ her more. There are things I can't bring to you. I know you already know that, but realize that just because we're a triad now doesn't change the fact that there are things I can't talk to you about and it's for all the same reasons."

Patrik nodded miserably," I know."

"If we have any intention of making this a true triad, I need you both in bed with me at night, not just for sex, but to sleep as well."

Pakitra broke in. "If it looks to be working out, we'll remodel. Merge a couple quarters to make one suitably big for the three of us. Until then, a bigger bed will fit."

"I'd suggest Jake's quarters, it gives us all the most options." Patrik suggested.

"How so?" Jake regarded him, a little bewildered.

"Well, it means that all three of us have some space of our own and it's familiar to all of us." He elaborated.

Jake shrugged. "Fine by me. It's not like I use it much anyway."

Pakitra took a deep breath, "anything else you need, Jake?"

He paused, thinking about it. "I need both of you to understand that if this _doesn't_ work, I'm going to be a bigger mess than sixteen months ago." He looked directly at his Mate. "If anybody's got real doubts about it, I'd rather not try."

"I can do this, Jake." He reached out to catch his Mate's hand and squeezed. "I'm not cruel enough to offer it and not be as sure as I am of anything. I can't guarantee you, I wish I could, but I do believe we can make it work."

Jake took a deep breath and let it go. "Why don't you two get acquainted while I go back to the Yard and play greasemonkey?"

"Okay, love." Patrik gave him a long, tender kiss goodbye.

"I'll take good care of him," she smiled as they embraced, giving Patrik his first real view of the fire between them.

"I'll get back ASAIC."


	17. Timing and Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chance has a big surprise planned for Jake on the tenth anniversary of their partnership. Unfortunately, Jake also has plans that involve a surprise.

"Where _is_ he?" Chance paced around the apartment's main room three hours later, before he noticed the quiet motorcycle pull into the yard.

"Chance?" Jake's voice quarried from the first floor.

"Come up, please." He called down, waiting for his partner to come in the room before continuing, "you had me worried."

"Sorry, I ..." he paused as the meal on the table, soft music and candles registered, suddenly wary. "I didn't realize you made plans."

"It's okay." Chance gripped Jake's arm lightly. "Would you join me for dinner, to celebrate nine years of being goodkats?"

"Urrr, yah, sure. I need to make a call first, okay?" The sender tom relaxed fractionally when he was released. "I promised we'd be somewhere."

"Something important?"

"Not really, it'll wait a couple hours." He smiled slightly. "Probably start a few rumors about what we were up to," Jake chuckled over his shoulder as he went for the phone.

"What kind of rumors?" Chance tried not to sound anxious as they sat down.

"Debate really." Jake shrugged and explained between bites. "Mikia'll say you finally jumped me, Patrik'll swat her for it. Pakitra and Jackee will snicker about that and wager on what piece of gear we got side tracked by. Nara will probably remind Mikia that it's impolite to speculate on who I'm sleeping with with Patrik in the room. Erik'll probably bet that you argued with me about who got to drive, and what."

"Oh." Chance blinked at all the unrecognized names and turned to his meal.

"Who cooked this?" Jake's voice brought him up short a while later. "It's very good."

He had to smile. "Ramma will be glad to hear that, she spent half the day here."

"You're sister?" Jake startled. "Chance, is there something going on? This is a lot of trouble to go to for a day we've never celebrated." His eyes slit closed. "You're dressed pretty nice too ..."

"Umm," he swallowed convulsively. "After dinner, okay?"

"N ... okay." Jake sighed softly. "After we eat." He regarded his meal with minimal enthusiasm before picking at it.

"Jake?" He caught the other's attention after a while. "You're not mad about this messing up your plans, are you?"

"No," his voice was low. "Just chasing myself in circles trying to figure out what you're up to. You don't _do_ stuff like this."

Chance looked down. "Maybe I should have, I don't think I ever tried to tell you what you mean to me."

"You haven't." Jake confirmed dryly.

"Thanks." He couldn't help the sarcastic tone that came out, but quickly killed it. "Well, I'm trying now. Your friendship, your partnership, your life, means the world to me. It's just a nice meal, the effort to put it together, but I'm _trying_ here. I'm hoping you feel the same way, that I mean that much to you." Chance stopped suddenly to concentrated on getting his rapid heartbeat under partial control.

"I do. You do mean the world to me." He put his fork down and rested his chin on interlaced fingers. "But that is _not_ what has you so worked up."

"I ..." He buried his face in his hands. "I'm not sure how to say this."

"As bluntly and simply as possible, please. Small words, short sentences." Jake reached out to make physical contact. "What's the worst I can say?"

"Umm, 'I can't live with that, goodbye'." He looked down at the dark hand touching his, a small part of his brain trying to figure out why it was shaking.

Jake regarded him simply for a moment. "Chance, try me. I'm a pretty reasonable Kat, and I can promise you there is very little you could say to make me do that."

He took a low breath, closed his eyes and whispered, "I love you." A deathly silence from the other side of the table held until after he forced himself to look up into troubled golden eyes and elaborated. "As in I'm in love with you."

"For how long?" There was something unidentifiable in Jake's voice as he sat there, nearly frozen.

"Do'no, close to two years."

"Two _years_?" The question was a half demanded.

"More or less, I ... I didn't have the guts to tell you before." Chance couldn't look at the maelstrom in his partner's eyes. "I guess I shouldn't have now ..."

"Probably not." There was acid and anger in Jake's tone. "Two fuckin years you've loved me, and never said a thing. Damn you."

Chance looked up sharply at the sound of a fist impacting the wall. "Jake?"

His name turned him around fast. "Damn it, Chance! For over seven years I tried to show you, tell you I was in love with you. That I wanted to be more than just partners, more than friends. Gods, I kissed you once and it didn't even seem to register." He sucked a deep breath into starved lunges. "I finally sort of come to terms with that it's not going to happen and accept what's offered; friendship from you and love from Patrik. And _now_ you come to me with this, when I can't take it."

"You can't?" Chance desperately tried to absorb it all. "You ..."

"I'm _married_!" He snarled, both palms slammed on the table, the echo cascading though the suddenly silent room. "I'm married Chance, to Patrik. I can't do that to him, no matter how badly I want to sleep with you, no matter how easy it would be to hide it or be forgiven. I ... just can't. I gave him my word."

"When were you going to tell me?" Chance's voice was low, unaccusing.

Jake sank back into his chair. "I wasn't, unless you asked. You haven't exactly been that interested in my social life, or overly approving of being gay."

"I never ..."

"No, but you didn't endorsed it either." Jake shook his head. "I risked a lot by pushing it in your face. And honestly, after what I went through trying to win you, I wasn't up for trying to explain it, no matter what your reaction. I figured you were one of those toms that wouldn't see gay if it bit you in the ass." He dropped his head between his crossed armed and continued. "I still love you, and the only way I really deal with it most days is by keeping you out of my social life as much as I can. I can pretend you kind of don't exist while I'm up at Cathedral."

"Oh." Chance let the uncomfortable silence drift between them until he saw the signs of a depression welling up in his partner. "So, tell me about him."

"Uh? Who?"

"Patrik, your mate. What's he like? How'd you meet? That stuff."

"Oh." Jake focused on his hands. "He's sweet, young, and _way_ too understanding. Insatiable." Jake chuckled at that. "A longfur tuxedo."

"So how'd you two meet?"

"Almost the same way we did." Jake shrugged. "Five years ago he was assigned as a test pilot to Akindra, a project I head at Cathedral. He asked me out within a week." He smiled at the memory, then turned serious and dropped eye contact. "He and Pakitra put me back together after I ... gave up on having you."

"Oh." Chance reached out to touch his partner, then drew back. "I'm sorry."

"Moot point at this stage." Jake shrugged, not quite passing it off. "You're timing's atrocious, though." He almost smiled. "Would you like to meet them?"

"Hu? Who?"

"The Akindra team -- Patrik, Pakitra, the others I named." He focused on his hands again. "I finally figured I was stable enough with Patrik to bring you into my world, if you wanted. Since you've asked a couple times where I go and get some of our stuff. I couldn't arrange permanent clearance, but you have it for tonight as long as you're with one of the team."

"I'd like that." Chance rose to pull Jake into a light, sideways hug even as his heart sunk. "If we can't be lovers, at least I can be part of your life, all of it. I'll mind my manners. Promise."

He was rewarded by his partner relaxing and resting his head against one broad shoulder as Jake's whisper drifted to his ears. "Damn timing."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the HiddenTruths challenge (January 2000): "Write a first time/ admittance of love story where the other party isn't interested."   
> Entry #2. This was actually the first story in the series to be started, then I got an idea, and it was finished last :)


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